Losing It: Goodbyes Are … Kinda Awkward

I’m not really one for goodbyes. Like, rather than having to go around air-kissing everyone at the end of a function, I would rather just slip quietly out the door and hope that no one notices. Or that no one cares. Lucky for me, I am not saying goodbye to “Losing It” right now. Rather, after today’s post, I will be taking a hiatus only to come back better than ever, and in a somewhat different format, in the fall. Crawling out of your skin in anticipation of what this new iteration of my written insanity could possibly be? You’ll have to wait until September. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that, so miss me like crazy and we’ll catch up then, m’kay?

M’kay.

So I’m trying to wrap my head around the past seven months and it is virtually impossible. The Robin of seven months ago is so vastly different than present-day Robin. So much so that I’m trying to envision a conversation between the two of them. After air-kissing and complimenting one another on their very cute, albeit loud, sneaks, I’m thinking it would go a little something like this:

Seven-Months-Ago Robin: Why are we meeting at a yogurt place when there are three perfectly amazing ice cream shops within a mile radius? And why did you cut bangs? Did you learn nothing from the Bangs Debacle of 2009?

Present-Day Robin: Because full-fat ice cream no longer interests me (that is a total lie, I’m just acting all “holier than thou” because the bangs comment pissed me off; I’m just not eating the real stuff anymore) now that there is a self-serve yogurt joint on every corner. At 110 calories for four ounces, and a little bit of fresh fruit thrown on top, I’ve got myself a lovely snack. And I thought that we were never going to mention BD09 again. I knew I shouldn’t have called you to hang out.

SMAR: I couldn’t help but check out your ass when you walked in. It’s looking less flat and maybe even a little bit toned! What’s going on back there? And are you wearing running shorts with built-in underwear? Please tell me that you are wearing ACTUAL underwear under there, because I’m teetering on the edge of a freak-out here.

PDR: Relax. Real underwear is in place because I’m still not sure what to make of the built-ins. Anyway, I run now. And take fun classes. And even do a weight circuit. I’ve run three 5Ks in as many months and have vowed to myself that I am going to run the Broad Street Run next year if I can wrangle a bib in all of that insanity.

SMAR: You run? Like, when someone is chasing you, or you’re a runner now?

PDR: I guess I’m a runner now. Or something. I actually look forward to going to the gym and getting on the treadmill. And, by the way, were you always this snarky and bitchy? You kind of suck and your negativity is palpable. You’re bringing me down, man. (Props to the first person to identify this ’80s movie quote.) I guess this is why my early columns were more about why it’s been so hard for me to get in shape and all of the obstacles in my way. As soon as I really started doing the work, I saw results and I knew that I could do whatever I set my mind to. I’ve lost weight before, but I’ve never actually been in good shape until now. It’s pretty amazing.

SMAR: God, you’re annoying. Next you’re going to tell me that you like to cook now.

PDR: Um, yes? I started out with a few new recipes and, once I realized how easy it was to plan and shop ahead, I went for it. No more chicken #1 and veggie #5 in my house.

SMAR: So you’re still about a pound away from your goal weight, what’s that about? Shouldn’t you have shed all this weight already? It’s not THAT hard.

PDR: You’re nice. For whatever reason, it’s been harder for me this time around and I’ve done a lot of bouncing up and down. It’s also been kind of stressful because I’m sharing my weight with the world (my very small readership world). Evaluating each thing I put into my mouth in terms of listing my goal weight each week was not fun. I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on and I will get to that number soon. And then go past it.

SMAR: So what happens now?

PDR: Now I take everything I’ve learned and experienced and try to make the best possible eating and exercise choices while I’m away from home for seven weeks (I work at an overnight camp). Not being in total control of my food and my schedule is going to be a challenge, but I think I’m up for it. My yoga mat, weights, sneaks, and workout attire are packed—now it’s all about the follow-through. Beyond that, I’m considering a few different options because this whole experience has changed my life in the best possible way and I want to continue down this path to see where it takes me, both professionally and personally.

SMAR: Oh, I have something for you. [Hands PDR ancient-looking, dusty, stank bag.] I found these in the back of our old closet at Mom and Dad’s next to some penny loafers and Baggies socks.

PDR: My size-26 Cavariccis! [Promptly drops trou and puts them on, because what happens in the yogurt place stays in the yogurt place.] Damn, these look amazing. Pleats and pegged legs are so underrated. Thank you, past self, for delivering this tragic fashion statement to me. What a perfect way to end this part of my journey. Now go on, get out of here. And don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

So yeah … It’d go something like that.

Before I hit the road, a word on that little green Weight Tracker you see on the right. Yes, I am still one pound away from my goal weight. I was actually thinking about lying and saying that I’d reached my goal, but what would be the point in that? I’m actually okay with 119 pounds for now. I’m comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a very long time and I know that I am going to get there. I’m a work in progress, y’all!

Until September—Raskin out.

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Robin Raskin has blogged about her weight loss journey on Be Well Philly since December. Catch up on the series here, and follow her on Twitter at @RobinRaskin. Join Robin’s Healthy Recipe Swap Facebook group here.