Today’s Daily Examiner end quote comes courtesy of the Inquirer, which started polling residents about Chester as the location of choice for a Major League Soccer team. While many supporters can’t control their excitement, some can’t hide their fearful contempt of the crime-riddled town:

“My mental impression is it’s like Camden but without the glitter.”

MLS Fans Already Mugged in Chester [WillDo]

Alycia Lane wins her day in court …

… but she’s still pissing off the gays

Shane Victorino discusses Steve Irwin and butterfish

The Inquirer/Daily News commences Guild blood-letting

These Phillies wives are made for stalking

Gay brother burglars set the Daily News aflame

Throughout spring training this year, Phillies centerfielder Shane Victorino has graciously volunteered to provide weekly dispatches about his thoughts on various topics and, most important, keep the fans updated on the Phils’ progress.

Victorino, popular on the field and in the clubhouse for his gregarious nature and hustle, comes into this season as much more than just a novelty role-player nicknamed the “Flying Hawaiian” — this year he becomes a vital component in the team’s quest to get back to the playoffs. Last week, Shane attempted to answer our questions even though he was completely distracted by playing miniature golf with two teammates. This week, he completely flaked on our scheduled interview time again, because he was eating. He must be still on Hawaiian time.

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Who the hell is Chris Clemons?: A 26-year-old defensive end for the Raiders, apparently. And it appears that the Eagles are about to pounce on him. On a sexiness scale, this is about a 4, but it’s also an upgrade. [InsidetheIggles]

That’s what you get for playing with air guns: Plymouth-Whitemarsh’s alleged massacre-plotter Dillon Cossey had his electronic gaming equipment stolen. The perpetrators were three other ninth-graders who broke into Cossey’s home and stole his stuff in a misguided act of vengeance. [Inquirer]

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It’s still wishful thinking, but it feels like the rumblings about the Eagles not letting Patriots free agent cornerback Asante Samuel leave the musty confines of the Nova Care Complex this afternoon without a hefty contract could actually be legit.

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Times are tough at the Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News, where 68 employees were laid off this week following publisher Brian P. Tierney’s telling the newspapers’ unions in January that the company needs to cut 10 percent of its costs by summer or fall or face “a dire situation.”

But could the tough times also be affecting Tierney?

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TASTE DAILY: Revisit Pif every Sunday night

GOOD LIFE DAILY: This woman can help your couch

HEALTH: Lose that post-pregnancy belly without losing your mind

Rendell stands by Fumo: The garrulous governor is sticking by the embattled senator this time around as well: “We would be lost in Harrisburg without him.” Your move, Johnny Doc. [Inquirer]

Phunky. Phanatic. Phriday: So far, smooth-groovin’ Ukee Washington is dominating the votes with 51 percent compared to his stiffer, whiter co-workers at CBS 3. If Washington’s lead holds, he’ll have to perform his rubber-legged moves atop the Phillies dugout with the Phanatic at a game this year. [CBS 3]

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Today’s Daily Examiner end quote comes courtesy of the mysterious Illadelph, who crawled out of his/her cave to do extensive “death of the 20th and Locust Wawa” updates throughout most of the afternoon. One commenter seemed a little unfazed by the news and took the time to give Wawa a piece of his/her angry anonymous mind:

I cheer the exit of a convenience store selling high fat, high sugar, high salt, mass produced food. Take it to the car-loving suburbs and feed their diabetes and coronary events. Don’t let the swinging door hit you on the ass on the way out.

FYI: There is a vigil tonight at 11 p.m. at this store’s location, for those who don’t have such contempt.

Breaking: Rittenhouse Wawa Effs Loyal Customers, Set To Inexplicably Shut Its Doors Feb. 29th 2008 [The Illadelph]

Let us now bow our heads and speak in hushed tones over the departure of one of this city’s most lackluster free-agent signings in sports history. Jevon Kearse, whose services as a pass-rushing force have been caked with rust ever since he stepped foot in Philly four years ago, has finally been mercifully relieved of his duties.

All of those suckers who plopped down their hard-earned dollars for a $40 Kearse jersey at Modell’s soon after he was handed $20 million in 2004 should be relieved about the change in wardrobe. For a more pointed, critical door-hit-ass take on the Kearse release, we turn our attention to the always feisty and opinionated Ciara Todd, who still can’t stop smiling since hearing the news:

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