Curt Schilling, long rumored to be returning to the Philadelphia Phillies for a final run, has decided to stay in Boston for another year. ESPN is reporting that, pending a physical, the deal with Schilling is a one-year agreement worth $8 million, with about $2 million in incentives.

So that door is closed. Now, it’s time for Pat Gillick to move on to whomever is next on the list of possible high-profile, pitching free agents like … hmm … where’s that list …

Anyway, at least Mitch Williams will be happy.

Report: Schilling, Red Sox Reach Deal [SportsNetwork]

While city-favorite fright fest Terror Behind the Walls at Eastern State Penitentiary bills itself as “not for the faint of heart” (excretory events happen daily, claims ESP program director Sean Kelly), we found a recent tour to be more family fun than Depends-worthy. To help you max out the sometimes meager fear factor, we present this DIY ghastliness guide:

1. Try to walk slowly so you’re not on top of the people in front of you — they’ll ruin the surprises.

2. Add to the atmosphere by screaming your loudest for the first few jump-out-at-you ghouls — you won’t react as strongly after you begin to anticipate their hiding spots.

3. For extra sadistic fun, bring 13-year-old girls as bait. When a ghoul begins to terrorize one of the tweens, make sure you yell her name — loudly. If the ghoul is as clever as the one we met, he’ll pick up on the tip and chase her, chanting “Runnnnnn, Caitlyn, runnnnnn …,” until she hides in a corner, attempting the fetal position.

4. Go slowly through the Rotunda and other parts where the fake sets fade and you can see the bones of the real prison, which is flat-out spooky without actors or fog machines, and even spookier at night.

5. Listen to the taunts the ghouls yell at you, because some are truly genius — like a lady warden who yelled, in perfect Napoleon Dynamite pitch, “Tina, eat the ham!”

6. Get some coupons, because the most frightening part of the experience is how bad they gouge you on the ticket price: $25 on Friday, $30 on Saturday. It’s only $20 during the week, but who goes then? (There’s a coupon you can print from ESP’s website good from tonight through the end of the season on Saturday.) Yes, yes, all the money is dedicated to the upkeep of the historic prison — but the bite’s still as bad as Dracula’s. — Jessica Remo

Open 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. tonight through Friday night, till midnight on Saturday; www.easternstate.org.

Jill Porter’s screeching beratement of Fox’s Good Morning Philadelphia over a movie promo stunt has suddenly become a national news story, which proves that she (surprisingly) did have a point about the evils of violent movie marketing in a city during a murder epidemic.

There are currently four theaters in the Philadelphia area scheduled to start running the flick tomorrow. Given that Shoot ‘Em Up is billed as a gun-happy violence-fest — Clive Owen plays a brooding leather-jacketed bloke who likes to keep his body counts high — you might want to steer clear of the following locations, lest the ultraviolent imagery stoke up gun-toting fellow moviegoers:

(more…)

With the unofficial last weekend of summer just a few hours away, many local Philadelphians plan to partake in copious alcohol consumption. Some will subsequently make the ridiculously stupid decision to drive. We’re not condoning such behavior in the least, but if you do make the big mistake, here are a few things to keep in mind when you get pulled over.

(more…)