Knocking Down Hillary: Drexel University served as the battleground for an overhyped Democratic debate. The leading candidates without breasts did their best to derail the Hillary Express. One who suffered the most was probably Obama, who proved that he can be equally as snore-inducing as he can be engaging. John Edwards proved he’s the one willing to swing for the head. The other four guys proved that they’re just as irrelevant as they were beforehand. Sen. Mike Gravel acted self-righteous and indignant … from a satellite location. [Philly.com]

Shots Fired, Officer Down: Downtown became a shooting gallery about 10:30 p.m. last night. A masked man opened fire on people parked on 15th and Sansom. Police pursued the suspect, who proceeded to open fire at 22nd and Sansom, wounding one officer. [Philly.com]

Reid’s Son Jailed — Again: Last night police handcuffed Garrett Reid and marched him back to prison after the 24-year-old violated his probation and failed another drug test. This is beginning to seem more and more like a lost cause. [PhillyBurbs]

Trial Fumo’d: Shiny-haired state Sen. Vince Fumo was miraculously granted a trial delay. The embattled senator, indicted on scores of corruption charges, most likely won’t see a trial until late in 2008. [Legal Intelligencer (free reg. req.)]

Even When All Hope is Lost, Dallas Still Sucks: As all the other NFL fans prepare for the Indianapolis Colts and New England Patriots, the green-bleeders around these parts are hanging their hopes on a victory at the Linc on Sunday night against those bastard Cowboys. If you want to see Philadelphia at its best (and worst), take a walk around Broad and Pattison around 6:30 on Sunday night. If you want read about the guy that impersonates Andy Reid, read the cover story in the Philadelphia Weekly. [Yahoo]

Today’s Daily Examiner quip comes from Phillies beat writer Todd Zolecki’s Zo Zone, talking about the notion of Alex Rodriguez coming to Philadelphia (not gonna happen, sorry) and the Phillies’ more pressing needs. Some of the commenters have their own suggestions:

I personally would go after an established catcher, that would have an immediate impact with our pitching. Ruiz will get better, but the urgency should be put to the present. Where’s he rank among National league catchers ? Get my drift ? I’ve read that he doesn’t even speak English.

A-Rod to the Phillies? Don’t bet on it [Zo Zone]

This morning, I reported that Alex Capasso, chef of Blackbird in Collingswood, was charged last week with assaulting a customer, who in turn was charged with harassment. Since that time, I have spoken with both Capasso and the customer, Thomas Zemaitis, a partner at Pepper Hamilton. Here’s what they had to say, in their own words. More of the story may emerge tomorrow, when both are scheduled to appear in Collingswood municipal court. — Victor Fiorillo

Alex Capasso
“It was last Wednesday, and a gentleman named Thomas Zemaitis assaulted me … Mr. Zemaitis was pounding his fist and screaming foul language at our seven-month-pregnant hostess. She was in tears, apologizing. I came out of the kitchen, saw the ruckus, and Mr. Zemaitis started cursing at me. I told him to leave. Then I walked to the front door and held it open for him to leave. He said, ‘You can’t do this to me. I will shut your restaurant down.’ He grabbed my collar and I swatted his arm away. He grabbed me with both hands and pushed me against the wall. Then I tried to get both of us out front to avoid a scene. Once out front … Zemaitis had me from the front, and I acted in self-defense. Tomorrow, my lawyer will ask for all charges to be dismissed or to have his charges upgraded to assault as well.”

Thomas Zemaitis
“There’s virtually nothing about [Capasso’s] statement that’s accurate. We arrived at the restaurant at 7:25 for a 7:30 reservation. It was crowded for Restaurant Week, and it was clear we would not be seated at 7:30 and that was perfectly okay. But then at 7:50 another party, that arrived after us for a 7:30 reservation, was seated. We were upset. We went to the hostess desk and said it was inappropriate. I was not cursing. I was at the hostess desk for 10 seconds. Then Mr. Capasso came out and turned me around to face him. I began to explain how we were poorly treated. I did not touch him. He basically screamed at the top of his lungs to get out. I was surprised. I said, ‘This is ridiculous, we have a reservation.’ I had not touched him at all. He said get out again. He grabbed me, dragged me out of the restaurant, ripped my shirt, threw me out, down the steps, my arm was bruised as I hit the railing. We got to the bottom of the steps. At that point, we were out of the restaurant, and he held me with one hand and slugged me in the face, knocked off my glasses, bruised my right eye. … I did nothing from that point except get away as quickly as I could. Staff whisked him inside, and I did not see him again that evening. We called the police and made a report on the steps of the restaurant. I was not arrested. He filed a criminal complaint against me, but I was not arrested. I went to the police station voluntarily.”

Most of us who grew up in the Delaware Valley in the early ’80s were introduced to food by the funny-talking dude who used to rumble through 90-second cooking spots on Evening Magazine. “The show was so bland, I think the only thing that stood out were these segments,” the dude, Chef Tell, once wrote. “All of a sudden, everybody knows me. Everybody’s my friend.”

And he was right — it’s tough to remember anything else from that show besides, possibly, the broom-stache of co-host Ray Murray, who tells the Daily Examiner there was a reason Chef was so memorable: “He was bigger than life, he commanded the screen, and he was a really, really outstanding chef. He set the standard for every celebrity chef that came after him.”

For a brief stint in the early ’80s, Tell was everywhere, including Saturday Night Live! and what seemed like every talk show in America. And, of course, there’s the unconfirmed story that he inspired the mumbly-bumbly Swedish Chef on The Muppet Show.

After all the international fame waned a bit and Evening Magazine went off the air, there was still a Chef Tell. In fact, he had a full name: Friedman Paul Erhardt. The chef still cooked, still had a website, and still carried himself like a celebrity. He died unexpectedly but peacefully on Friday at his home near Upper Black Eddy. He was 63.

Chef Tell Dead at 63 [Philly Burbs]

While city-favorite fright fest Terror Behind the Walls at Eastern State Penitentiary bills itself as “not for the faint of heart” (excretory events happen daily, claims ESP program director Sean Kelly), we found a recent tour to be more family fun than Depends-worthy. To help you max out the sometimes meager fear factor, we present this DIY ghastliness guide:

1. Try to walk slowly so you’re not on top of the people in front of you — they’ll ruin the surprises.

2. Add to the atmosphere by screaming your loudest for the first few jump-out-at-you ghouls — you won’t react as strongly after you begin to anticipate their hiding spots.

3. For extra sadistic fun, bring 13-year-old girls as bait. When a ghoul begins to terrorize one of the tweens, make sure you yell her name — loudly. If the ghoul is as clever as the one we met, he’ll pick up on the tip and chase her, chanting “Runnnnnn, Caitlyn, runnnnnn …,” until she hides in a corner, attempting the fetal position.

4. Go slowly through the Rotunda and other parts where the fake sets fade and you can see the bones of the real prison, which is flat-out spooky without actors or fog machines, and even spookier at night.

5. Listen to the taunts the ghouls yell at you, because some are truly genius — like a lady warden who yelled, in perfect Napoleon Dynamite pitch, “Tina, eat the ham!”

6. Get some coupons, because the most frightening part of the experience is how bad they gouge you on the ticket price: $25 on Friday, $30 on Saturday. It’s only $20 during the week, but who goes then? (There’s a coupon you can print from ESP’s website good from tonight through the end of the season on Saturday.) Yes, yes, all the money is dedicated to the upkeep of the historic prison — but the bite’s still as bad as Dracula’s. — Jessica Remo

Open 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. tonight through Friday night, till midnight on Saturday; www.easternstate.org.

How else can you take Castor’s comment at last night’s Montgomery County Board of Commissioners debate, as reported in the Bulletin?

At last night’s debate, candidates for Montgomery County Board of Commissioners presented what one might consider a stark contrast. The county has a low crime rate, relatively low taxes, many acres of preserved open space and many other amenities that District Attorney Bruce Castor said should lead voters to support continued Republican leadership. “If you want [the county] to be like Philadelphia, you support the other side,” Mr. Castor insisted.

So, if you’re in favor of high crime rates, high taxes and overdevelopment, you should really consider voting for Joe Hoeffel and Ruth Damsker. If you’re in favor of cracking down on BB guns, vote for Bruce Castor.

Castor: Dems Will Turn Montco Into Philadelphia [Bulletin]

I’ve been mulling this one over since Sunday, when I walked into LaScala’s on Chestnut Street around 4 p.m. and looked for the score of the Eagles game on the TVs over the bar. There was a commercial playing, so I
spoke to the young couple nearest to me. “What’s the score?” I asked.

“We suck,” said a pretty blonde somewhere in her early 20s.

“Don’t ask,” said the man I took to be her boyfriend.

I was a little incredulous. Normally, I would have been watching football all day, but I had a series of weekend appointments keeping me from my living room. I had expected the Eagles to win.

“The Eagles are losing?”

They both turned to me, with sour frowns, like they’d just taken a long swig of lemon enema water. “No,” the girl said, as the game came back from commercial and I saw the Eagles had the lead.

“The Eagles are winning 20-13,” I said.

“It doesn’t matter,” said the young man.

“We still suck,” said the girlfriend.

I stood amazed. It is always one thing to know the cliché, the iconic unhappy and unsatisfiable Philadelphia sports fan, and another to encounter it face to face in the form of a really beautiful girl saying “we” suck and internalizing the victory of her favorite team as some kind of personal failure on her part. And why? Because this particular win just didn’t look right to her.

“Wow,” I said. “You guys really are Eagles fans.”

The guy just laughed.

His girlfriend smiled ruefully, as if she wished she could change but somehow just couldn’t see her way clear. — Steve Volk

Tonight’s Democratic throwdown at Drexel has created a lot of debate envy at other Big Five schools and resulted in campus-wide electricity. The Triangle, Drexel’s student-run newspaper, is channeling the biggest jolts. News editor Noah Cohen, who’s spearheading coverage in a special debate blog, has been up since 4:30 this morning, and says he’s both excited and overwhelmed to be jockeying with staff from hundreds of mainstream media outlets.

With most of the media slavering for Barack Obama’s chest-puffing, Cohen’s reporters are perfectly placed to capture more unscripted moments. Though the paper isn’t getting any one-on-one time with the candidates, they’ll be granted an interview with yee-hawing madman Howard Dean at some point this evening, and Cohen has deployed members of the Triangle army at every possible spot on campus to increase the chances they’ll perhaps catch Hillary Clinton being un-ladylike or John Edwards being too ladylike.

“The real test will be a few hours from now,” Cohen says. “It’s probably a bit premature to say it right now, but so far everything’s been great.”

He’ll find out soon enough.

Drexel Debate [Blog]
Drexel Preparing for Presidential Debate [Philly.com]
Drexel in Enviable Position [Metro]

UNFORTUNATE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES: Temple students engaged in blackface party?

VITUPERATIVE COLUMN WRITING 101: Cataldi calls out Boston for, uh, winning

CLINTON’S COUNTERPUNCH: MSNBC says she’s ready to fight back

PENN’S GOURMET MEALS: Once a month, the university has a “guest chef” to spice up cafeteria sludge

HOLY PUMPKINS: Philly.com shows distracting amount of enthusiasm for Halloween one day early

A couple of weeks ago, I reported in Taste Daily that tiny Blackbird Dining Establishment in Collingswood had a stunning 827 reservations for the South Jersey Restaurant Week, which was co-founded by Blackbird’s chef/owner, Alex Capasso. It seems the pressure may have been too much for him.

According to Collingswood police captain Richard Sarlo, a dispute took place on Wednesday, October 24th, between Capasso and a group of hungry customers who felt that he had given their table away to another party. A confrontation ensued in front of a packed room of diners, and Sarlo says that Capasso “pushed and shoved” the customers. Eventually, the fight went outside, where, according to the police report, Capasso punched one of the men in the eye. The man was treated by an ambulance but refused to be taken to the hospital. Police were called, and Capasso was arrested and charged with simple assault. The punched man was also arrested and charged with harassment.

Capasso posted bail and has a court date scheduled in Collingswood at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Reached by phone this morning, Capasso said he couldn’t comment without his attorney present, but did say “I was the one that was assaulted.” — Victor Fiorillo

Editor’s note: See our update on this item.

PHOTO: Philly.com