Philly Today: Bots on Tinder Are Using Local References to Seduce Philadelphians

Rocky IV featured a Paulie/robot romantic subplot. / Pic from IMDB

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Bots on Tinder are Using Local References to Seduce Philadelphians

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Arguably. With multiple caveats and asterisks, and blind eyes turned toward basically all the news of the day. Especially recently.

It’s a time when r/Philadelphia is avalanched with blissful snow pics. Space savers are doing their thing. And over on Tinder, robots are integrating local landmarks into their speech in order to seduce Philadelphians. Or to rip them off somehow, I guess. They tried it on one Philly Tinder user and Redditor yesterday. Twice.

I chatted with the Tinder user — who preferred to remain anonymous — to learn more.

I’m not on Tinder. What’s the bot situation?
There are a ton of bots, seemingly more than actual humans.

Is this the first time you’ve encountered Tinder bots posing as Philadelphians?
They normally don’t mention any landmarks or places or anything, but I got two yesterday mentioning Philly things.

What a world.
Yeah, it was honestly very funny. And I did end up going on a Tinder date last night with an actual human and we had an amazing time. My opening line was, “Please don’t be a bot,” lol.

Aw, that’s nice.

Of course, this situation brings to mind Rocky IV, wherein it is strongly implied that Paulie and his servant robot are romantically involved, much to the delight/horror of the Balboa family.

Meanwhile the lesson for Philadelphians in the dating scene is: Be careful out there. Sure, this time the bots didn’t quite pass the Turing test, but the future looks bleak. In addition to all the creeps, scammers, and people who say jawn more than once a month, there are also robots.

Remember what Futurama says:

Local Author Drops New Spooky Story

Stephanie Feldman, author of the 2022 dark Philly fantasy novel Saturnalia, just published a new spooky story in the Sunday Morning Transport called “A Skull in Reverse.” Here’s, just a little taste.

A month after Kim moved into her forever home, the attacks began.

It was December, midnight. Kim slept on the couch — downstairs was warmer in the tiny ranch, the worst house in the best neighborhood she could afford. A bright touch roused her, like snowflakes on her eyelids. She blinked awake to two white lights dilating in the window, setting the cheap drapes aglow, then ablaze. Kim instinctively lifted her hand, as if to repel the glare, and the room plunged back into darkness. For an instant, she felt flush with power.

Then she realized a car had rolled up her driveway, nearly to the living room window, and cut its headlights.

Car door slam, footsteps, knock-knock-knock, and Kim jumped, as if the shuddering door were another slat in her rib cage.

Keep reading here.

Santa Claus vs. the Dead Milkmen

Philly punk legends the Dead Milkmen dropped a brand-new Christmas single this week. “Santa Claus is Coming for Your Eyes,” featuring Rodney Anonymous on lead vocals, is very on brand: silly, subversive, driven by weirdness. Catchy, in a Dead Milkmen kind of way.

By the Numbers

4-5 inches: Snow accumulation in Philly this weekend.

6,000: Number of PECO users who lost power thanks to the snowstorm.

2: Minimum number of cars involved in single-car accidents in Philadelphia during the snowstorm. One hit the J. Crew Factory at 16th and Chestnut. The other hit a pole in Oxford Circle and knocked out the power for a while.

91 percent: That how often Philly’s fentanyl tests positive for the veterinary sedative medetomidine. The New York Times came to town to talk about the latest horrors of this city’s addiction crisis.