Philly Today: Satan Scores Another Victory in Delco

Plus: pre-dawn Eagles tailgating, a looming deadline, and more of what the city is (or should be) talking about.

a satanic delco t-shirt

A Satanic Delco t-shirt (photo courtesy Satanic Delco)

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Satan 1, Garnet Valley School District 0

Of all the issues facing schools today, you probably didn’t think that Satanic clothing would be one of them. And yet…

The Garnet Valley School District has quietly altered its dress code to delete a ban on Satanic clothing. Or cult clothing, for that matter.

Here’s what the Garnet Valley School District dress code used to prohibit:

“Clothing displaying alcohol, drugs, tobacco, weapons, violence, obscenities, lewd or illegal behavior, sexual overtones, satanic/cult references, double meanings, or any reference that is disruptive to the educational environment…”

But in the updated dress code for the 2022-23 school year, administrators have removed “satanic/cult references” from the list of clothing no-nos.

You can thank Satanic Delco, an “independent Satanic congregation” that formed in 2020, back when we all had a lot more time on our hands. Satanic Delco first went after the Rose Tree Media School District, arguing that the district’s policy discriminated against Satanists. Before the matter could get to court, the Rose Tree Media School District caved in 2021. Satanic Delco then targeted Garnet Valley.

“Garnet Valley students are now free to express their Satanism on equal footing, alongside their fellow students of every other religion,” a representative of Satanic Delco said in a statement. “Thank you to those at the school district who eventually made the right choice to remove the discriminatory language.”

Now where are all those students going to buy their Satanic clothing? It just so happens that Satanic Delco has a full line of merch to sell, t-shirts included. A veritable Beelzebub boutique, if you will. A Mephistopheles marketplace. OK, I’ll stop.

The Garnet Valley School District did not respond to our requests for comment.

Speaking of Things That Some Schools Ban

I am 100 percent in favor of this one: a ban on cell phones.

Now That’s Some Early Tailgating

Two Weeks and Counting

The city has agreed to extend the deadline on its first-level reviews of the controversial property assessments that residents have been receiving (and complaining about) in recent weeks. But the deadline for the more formal appeal with the Board of Revision of Taxes (you can do both — they are separate processes) isn’t going anywhere and remains October 3rd. That’s just two weeks away. Better get moving.

They Didn’t Have This When I Was at College

Penn seniors have created Breadheads, a startup that delivers homemade dinners to Penn students for just about $6 per meal. Well, $8 if you want dessert. And what college student doesn’t want dessert? The daily menu is released each day on Instagram. More on Breadheads here.

What Are You Doing This Week?

My colleague Laura Swartz with some stellar suggestions.

And from the Sports Desk…

Not exactly the city’s brightest, shining-est moment in sports this past weekend, as the still-in-the-hunt Phils rolled over and played dead for the Braves in three straight games — and guess who gets to play Atlanta four more times this week? Friday’s 7-2 loss featured an epic breakdown by Seranthony Dominguez in the 8th inning. Saturday’s game was at least close at 4-3, which I guess is better? Sunday’s loss was 5-2. There was one great quote from Phils outfielder Brandon Marsh, as reported on Twitter by the Inky’s Alex Coffey: “I know I look 50, but I’m only 24.” One word, kid: Barbasol. The hunt continues on Tuesday at CBP against the Blue Jays before more Braves fun gets underway.

Meantime, also on Saturday, the scoring-like-crazy Union was lucky to eke out a 0-0 tie against, um, Atlanta United. “Lucky” because Andre Blake was a monster in the net with five saves, including two where you just said, “How in the hell did that not go in?” The defense, at least, looked good.

In college news Saturday, Temple almost came back against Rutgers in its homecoming game at the Linc behind frosh QB E.J. Warner but couldn’t quite get it done in the final few minutes, losing 16-14. You know what they say about almost.

Maybe all that was just getting us set up for the Eagles against the Vikings tonight on Monday Night Football. I mean. How bad can things get, right? Fingers crossed, toes crossed. Go Birds. — Sandy Hingston