Values Voter Summit Made the Internet Seem Drunk—and Extra Homophobic—This Week

The crew of the Value Voter Summit, AKA, the crazy pants.

The crew of the Value Voter Summit, AKA, the crazy pants.

Did your Facebook feed feel rip-roaring wasted this week? Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s nothing to be alarmed over: It’s simply the 2014 Values Voter Summit, which brings droves of Tea Party-drinking, Sarah Palin-loving ultra conservatives out of the closet to discuss their utterly (ir)relevant views on all things conservative and anti-gay.

In other words, it is essentially like watching Saturday Night Live every day. Every. Single. Day. Of. The. Week. But these people are serious.

Palin started off the conservative circus early enough. In a barely coherent speech she claimed that there is no truth at “1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.” Well, she might be right: 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue is the address for a hotel, not the White House (that’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Sarah.):

But, oh, the ignorance continued: Two featured speakers at the Summit were hot-but-homophobic former HGTV stars the Benhman Brothers, whose show Flip it Forward was canceled by the cable network after their severe anti-gay stances became public. The bros took to the Summit stage comparing their misfortune to ISIS victims getting beheaded. Too soon!

Anti-gay Oregon baker Melissa Klein cried more crocodile tears at the Summit than you’d see on an episode of Glee. She came under fire recently when she refused to prepare a cake for a lesbian wedding, opting to close her Oregon bakery instead of serving gay clients. During a gay marriage panel at the Summit, Klein expressed how much she loved assisting couples with their weddings … that is, if they were straight:

The poster child for all things homophobic, Family Research Council President Tony Perkins, made claims at the conference that there’s a direct link between “homosexuality and pedophilia.” I’m opting not to include a video of Perkins’ comments, out of the fact that they, under the guise of stupidity, demonstrate a darker side to the absurdity: There are people who still believe this stuff.

The silver lining in all this? We were all making fun of them on the Internet this week.

Yes, it’s scary that such a thing as the Values Voter Summit exists as a mask to legitimize homophobic, racist, and sexist beliefs, but when it’s hard to tell if what you’re watching on CNN is coverage from the Summit or a replay of Tina Fey channeling Sarah Palin, there’s hope that the likes of these people are nothing more than farce.

And I’m sure Stephen Colbert and the writers at Buzzfeed were overjoyed to have an endless stream of content.