On the Obama/ Kim Jenner/ Kanye/ Kardashian “Feud”: Everyone Just Shut Up!

Who believes that Kanye West doesn't care about being famous? What does Kim Kardashian do? And how can I get her job?

So, by now you’ve probably heard that there’s an Internet war between President Obama and Kris Jenner. There are polls and “teams” and Buzzfeed is keeping score and everyone is using active verb choices like “slam” and “battle” and “attack.”

Well, you heard wrong.

Take a step back and look at what Barack Obama said. “I think, there also has been a shift in culture. We weren’t exposed to things we didn’t have in the same way kids these days are. There was not that window into the lifestyles of the rich and famous,” the president said. “Kids weren’t monitoring every day what Kim Kardashian was wearing, or where Kanye West was going on vacation, and thinking that somehow that was the mark of success.”

Please note that the president said this for an Amazon Kindle Single interview, meaning that this whole SNAFU is only possible because of our astounding technological advances.

Obama is clearly criticizing our cultural obsession with celebrity and commenting on the phenomenon being intensified due to social media and technology (like Amazon Kindle Singles). He’s clearly throwing out Kanye West and Kim Kardashian as examples of a larger phenomenon. In no way does he criticize their actions or lifestyle. He merely comments that they are examples of hyper consumerism.

But that didn’t stop Kris Jenner from defending her daughter on her talk show. Kris babbled something about dreaming big and success that I just can’t connect to any of the “issues” at hand.  She then went on to say, “And Kim Kardashian is the hardest-working young lady in the world. She never sleeps, she never stops, she never slows down and works so hard for what she’s got.”

And now I would like to ratchet things back another notch. Can someone please tell me what Kim Kardashian does? What is this hard work her mother speaks of? I mean, doesn’t she just be Kim Kardashian? How hard can that be?

Can we take another giant step back? Who is Kim Kardashian? I mean — my experience is this: I’d never heard of any of them and then suddenly there were these famous Kardashians, but… how did that happen? What’s her skill set?

And wait. As we step back can we also look over our questions and say, “Who is Kris Jenner?” And why does she have a talk show? And who watches it? And why do I know any of this?

I read none of the entertainment sites or magazine. I knew who Perez Hilton is (or should I say was?) and I have watched a few moments of TMZ, but mostly because the blonde surfer guy reminds me of a boy I had a crush on one summer at the beach. But I have an awful lot of pop culture knowledge that has sunk in via osmosis, via the skin, just from breathing in and out while the deluge of data flows on.

Kanye says he’s bummed Barak Obama criticized him, but he’ll still support Obama, which sounds very reasonable to me.

This doesn’t:

“Everybody know Kanye don’t care s**t about being famous — he hates it,” a source close to Kanye says.

“All he’s trying to do is inspire people through his music and go down in history as one of the greatest artist who ever held the mic. Same as Obama is trying to do as president — leave a legacy behind.”

Help me. How can Kanye not want to be famous but want to go down in history as a great artist? How come he has a painting of himself mimicking an angel and how come I know that? Does anyone else’s head hurt?

Maybe all this sleeplessness and anxiety Americans are suffering is partially due to our having too much in our brains, and specifically, too much we don’t want to have?

Here are current results of what I like to call a “how-old-are-we poll:”

Team Obama. Kanye and Kim aren’t untouchable! 57.37%

Team Kimye. They work hard just like everybody else. 30.48%

I’m 50/50. Obama and Kimye both make valid points. 12.15%

You want to go vote, don’t you? You don’t know what Kim does either, do you? Can you name a Kanye West song faster than you can name a random factoid about his life? Probs not. And if anyone out there does know what Kim’s job is, do let me know. And find out if they are taking applications.