12 Most Mind-Blowing Fast Food Menu Items

If we are what we eat, then America is a monster-combo of meat and cheese.

This week, the nation braces itself for the premiere of the Dunkin’ Donuts’ new Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich. The “savory and sweet breakfast treat” features bacon and fried eggs nestled between two halves of a glazed donut—a whimsical, boundary-pushing menu addition. I’m offering $5 and a roll of Tums to any officemate who’s willing to give it a go.

But in the realm of fast food monstrosities, Dunkin’ Donuts is hardly breaking new ground. Just yesterday, Foobooz reported on a disturbing (but apparently popular) “burger dog” from the Broadway Bar in Delco. In anticipation of the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich, here are 12 of the most mind-blowing fast food monstrosities to ever hit value menus:

1. White Castle’s Chicken Rings. Someone really thought outside the nugget for this one. I don’t know how these hollowed-out suckers were made, but I’m a little worried it involved a piping bag.

2. The KFC Double Down. Despite being announced by the fried chicken conglomerate on April Fool’s Day, this highly offensive sandwich is no joke—bacon, cheese, and the Colonel’s “secret sauce,” all clamped between two fried chicken breasts. Low carb, at least?

3. Dunkin’ Donuts Sausage Pancake Bites. Lesson: The magic of a breakfast platter cannot be nugget-ized.

4. Denny’s Fried Cheese Melt. Mozzarella sticks stuck IN a grilled cheese sandwich. Served with a side of fries, of course.

5. Burger King’s Pizza Burger. A family-style Whopper. I’m amused by the tagline, which specifies that it’s “made for sharing.” Whatever, Burger King.

6. Friendly’s Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt. Conceived, I’m guessing, by a rambunctious seven-year-old in a cafeteria.

7. Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Stuffed Crust. No one asked for this, Pizza Hut. No one. And no, the “free mustard drizzle” does not sweeten the deal.

8. Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta. The carbohydrate emporium of America does it again.

9. Jack in the Box’s Bacon Milkshake. This is a prime example of two rights making an irredeemable wrong. Bacon and milkshakes are decisions to be made on different days of the week.

10. Wendy’s Triple Baconator. An impressive feat of engineering and gluttony.

11. Red Robin’s Wise Guy Burger. Made with mozzarella sticks, which are, like many wise guys, Italian.

12. Pizza Hut’s Crown Crust Pizza. Made with a burger-bedazzled crust. This creation hit markets in the Middle East and Canada, but alas, in America and elsewhere, the Crown has many enemies.