Chris Christie Has Stomach Surgery; Will Slim Down To Greek, Presidential God Stirring The Erotic Dreams Of New Jersey Housewives Everywhere

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie tells the New York Post today that he had stomach surgery to reduce his food intake and lose weight. However, he totally didn’t do it because he’s thinking about running for president, although, yeah, he’s thinking about running for president. “I’ve struggled with this issue for 20 years,” he said. “For me, this is about turning 50 and looking at my children and wanting to be there for them.”

Sources said he’d lost about 40 pounds since the February surgery, trimming down from an estimated 300 to 350 pounds, and consulted with New York Jets Coach Rex Ryan before having the procedure done. And there’s more to come! As Christie loses weight, doctors will pump a “lap band” surrounding his stomach with saline solution, making it impossible for him to eat more than a few bites in a sitting, making dinner time a sad remembrance of good times past instead of a celebration of today’s family and friends. But the “living longer” thing might be a good tradeoff for that.