New TV Bra Whisperers Have Spidey Sense for Breast Size

Honey Boo Boo and the Amish Mafia better watch their backs: There’s some new trash-TV icons arriving this week. This week, the Lifetime network—known for thought-provoking and intellectually stimulating shows like Dance Moms and Prank My Mom—adds Double Divas to its roster of docuseries. The show follows prominent Atlanta lingerie shop owners Molly Hopkins and Cynthia Richards through their day-to-day lives as “bra whisperers.” (Translation for the mammary-deficient: They help women buy properly-fitting undergarments. Yes, this is a real job. Yes, it is harder than than buying properly-fitting sneakers.)

A little background: Molly, a buxom, loud-mouthed Southern belle, works the front of the house. She has an assistant, who she describes like this: “Loren is our sales associate and she might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but she’s definitely the most colorful.” (Proof: Loren says things like, “Don’t get me wrong, everyone deserves lingerie. But sometimes you’re like, ‘Ewwww. Gross.'” She is later shown napping on the job.) Cynthia, the Lifetime website touts, is “the Thomas Edison of custom lingerie.” We see evidence of her inventive talent in episode one when she creates The Bro Bra, which she thinks will help male runners deal with chafing, bleeding nipples. Spoiler alert: Her test subject refuses to wear The Bro Bra and sneaks out of the store when she isn’t looking.

It is clear that both women worship at the altar of Dolly Parton’s Truvy in Steel Magnolias. “It’s OK, because God made you the way that you are, but we can just facilitate you in another way so that y’all don’t have to be worried about bouncin’ bosoms in church when you are receiving the blessings of the Lord,” Molly tells one customer. Steely Mags fans will recall Truvy’s memorable: “Oh, honey, God don’t care which church you go, long as you show up!”

Molly and Cynthia truly believe that by fitting women in appropriately-sized undergarments, they are doing the work of God. Literally. In episode one, the gals head to a local church—in their pickup truck, which has a red, lacy bra hanging from the bed—because the well-endowed women in the choir can’t properly get their praise on because of ill-fitting undergarments. “You find some big bosoms among God’s cheerleaders,” Molly says. And hoo boy, is she ever right.

Another important thing to know about Molly and Cynthia: They have a strange Spidey sense for breasts. before heading to the church, they look at photos of the choir women and pronounce that most of them need H- or J-cup bras. Once they meet in real life, they hand out sample sizes, shocking the clients by insisting they try on sizes much larger than they’re used to wearing. “God gave us a gift. To give you some lift,” Molly says triumphantly. (The result: a lot of joyful noises from this choir!)

The most interesting part of this show is not the girl talk about man boobs or the outrageously busty women (at one point, Cynthia holds up a bra sized 50N!). Instead, the fascinating thing about Double Divas is the parade of women of all shapes and sizes who shop in the store and are totally willing to be filmed 95-percent naked.

But as Molly says,  “I mean, God made boobs. So what’s not to love?”