Ladies, If You’re Out of College, You’re Too Old for Victoria’s Secret’s Pink

Remember, fashion comes with an expiration date.

“What’s the deal with that ‘Pink’ stuff?” my perplexed husband asked the other night. He’s been seeing it around town with increasingly regularity, he explained, at the gym, at the grocery store, at the racquet clubs where he teaches tennis. And not just on sexed-up tweens or rumpled college girls, either. On women in their late thirties and forties, with glossy blowouts and equally glossy lips.

I’ve noticed it, too, this rash of grown women who insist on wearing Pink, the Victoria’s Secret sub-brand that is marketed to teens and college students. The line that is responsible for stuff like this, this and, oh God, this; the line that has swathed a million butts in “LOVE PINK” slogans.

I remember clomping around the house in my mom’s heels when I was younger, wearing heaps of her jewelry, one of her old Dooney & Bourke purses swung over my shoulder, anxious for the day I’d be old enough to wear Lady Things like cocktail dresses and lipstick and fur coats. I can’t imagine playing dress-up in Pepto-pink booty shorts with blinged-out “LOVE PINK” on the butt. When did dressing like a grown-up become such a bad thing?

My own sartorial misgivings about the line aside, Pink is, for all intents and purposes, a junior brand. There’s a “Collegiate Collection” (sweats in candy colors with cheeky school slogans on them) and a “Room” section on Victoria’s Secret’s website, where you can get dorm-appropriate comforters and sheet sets. We don’t abuse other junior clothing lines—you don’t see grown women shopping at Gap Kids or lower-end Delia’s (which sells this shockingly Pink-esque top), so why do we insist on wearing this one?

We live with expiration dates every day. We scan the date on the milk before pouring it into our cereal. We debate the health risks associated with taking expired meds. We toss lunch meat that’s past its prime. So it’s time to accept this: Some brands have an expiration date. And Victoria’s Secret Pink is at the top of the list. Right after it you’ll find Juicy Couture (no one over 30), Forever 21 (the age limit’s in the name), and H&M (with age comes the need for quality). We’re not 14, and no amount of Pink-emblazoned, crystal-bedecked velour sweatpants will fool people into thinking we are. We’re older, wiser, we know how to walk in killer heels, and we have the bank accounts to afford them. So let’s leave the junior lines to the juniors and invest in things worth playing dress up in.