Is Your Partner a Gold Digger?

Warning signs for your relationship (and your wallet)

Dear Monica, It’s really hard for successful men to find a woman who is in it for the right reasons. What is the best way to identify the gold diggers early on so time is not wasted? — R.L., Penn Valley

When it comes to dating, men are in a real quandary. They want a woman who is beautiful, thin, educated, employed, available to travel with them, and is successful on her own (or has a trust fund or great alimony). Translation: Men like a woman who keeps herself up, wears the right clothes, shoes and pocketbook, has time for them, and can do it all on her own. Can such a woman really be found? She can, but sometimes she’s in it for more than just love. Here are some clear signs that she is in it for only the cash and prizes and nothing else.

  • She is more into holiday gifts than a child. She also is focused on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and every other Hallmark holiday. Get a grip. If she needs a present for every significant and insignificant holiday, she is a gold digger.
  • She is put together, 24/7. The hair, make-up, jewels and coordinated outfits are always her main focus. Women who can’t let their hair down and put on a pair of sweats and T-shirt are materialistic to the core.
  • She spends her free time playing bridge, golf, tennis and all the other go to activities at the country club. Her free time should be spent with you, not with her girlfriends in the “see and be seen” places.
  • She lets you know what she is used to spending a month on beauty treatments, mall outings, presents for friends and relatives and every pick-me-up known to mankind. This is just a prelude of what is to come if she gets her hands on the mother lode.
  • She is nice as can be in the boudoir, meeting your every need, but in public she is snippety if she does not get what she wants. Run like the wind. This one is not a keeper. Simple logic dictates that this kind of behavior is not going to improve once she is married and has her heels dug in.
  • She is always telling you about what her girlfriend just got from her husband—the brand new Chanel pocket book, a surprise trip to the Bahamas, a new Benz. Keeping up with the Joneses is a slippery slope that never makes people happy. If what you have is not enough, tell her that the door is just as wide open for her to leave as when she walked in.
  • She tries to convince you that she is a reflection of your success. The better she looks and more expensive the clothes and jewels are, the more successful you are perceived. Clearly this is a thinly veiled maneuver for her to get more money.

Keep in mind that all warning signs—no matter how small—are still just that: warnings. Pay close attention before tiny problems become deal breakers. Better to know now and break ties than sink in too deep!

Monica Mandell, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: