The First Gay Presidential Social Secretary

You can knock President Obama on Afghanistan, on the economy, on flying in his personal trainer from Chicago every week.

But there is one recent decision by our Commander-in-Chief that should elicit universal, well-accessorized applause.

Finally, there is a gay man planning parties in the White House.

All hail, Jeremy Bernard. You go, girl.

As the first openly-gay person – and first man — to serve as social secretary, Bernard will no doubt arrange the most fabulous state dinners since the Marie Antoinette-like affairs under co-president Nancy Reagan. Who, as we all know, was really a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.

How perfect that Bernard’s most recent posting was Paris – gay Paree! – where he was senior advisor to the U.S. ambassador to France. With that pedigree, look for less broccoli and more butter at White House socials.

For entertainment, imagine the all-lavender lineup that could be wrangled: Lady GaGa, Adam Lambert, Jane Lynch, Neil Patrick Harris, Clay Aiken, Chaz Bono (the token tranny), for starters. With Anderson Cooper as emcee.

Even the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn could kick up a notch or two on the tres gay fabulosity scale. Think RuPaul as the Easter bunny, with Elton John as his egg-man.

Back on planet Earth, it’s a safe bet that Bernard’s taste in the arts is a tad more high brow, despite his Texas provenance.

Before Paris, he was Obama’s White House liaison to the National Endowment for the Humanities, and before that, a (Bill) Clinton appointee to the President’s Advisory Committee on the Arts for the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.

Obviously, he’s got the chops. So we’re left wondering why all Bernard’s predecessors at the White House were female. At least their names have changed, from Letitia and Muffy back in the day, to Julianna and Desiree in the current White House.

We’re just spit balling here, but could it be that ‘Mister Social Secretary’ sounds too weird? Tant pis, says Jeremy Bernard. Get used to it.

We’re here. We’re queer. We’re planning parties in the White House.