Acme Closing Five Area Stores

Today in Important Journalistic Analysis: The DN has readers weigh in on the possible demise of Tastykake—example: “Nowhere near as good as they used to be. The pies fall apart because they don’t have as much filling as they used to. Cakes taste dry and the cream filling isn’t good anymore”—while its editorial board tries (and, um, fails) to make a funny by saying we should tax carrots. Or something. [Daily News; Daily News]

Acme to Close Five Area Stores. Speaking of businesses in trouble, the supermarket chain will close stores in Limerick, Wayne, Cinnaminson, Millville, and Moorestown by the end of February. The union guys blame poor management for the chain’s inability to compete. [Inquirer]

You Can Fight City Hall. (You Probably Won’t Win, Though). Delco residents whose homes will be taken to make way for the airport expansion are vowing to fight back, even though resources are hard to come by. Current plan: Lots of lawsuits, and asking the area’s congressional reps to defund the 15-year, $5.2 billion expansion. [Newsworks]

This Story Will Only Get Weirder, Trust Us. The Inky spends a thousand words tracking the final days of John P. Wheeler III, the ex-Pentagon official whose body ended up in the Newark landfill. He was “coatless” and “confused,” and may have been involved in an attempted arson. A parking lot attendent says Wheeler told him his brother—who died years ago—had driven him to the train station. [Inquirer]

This Story Will Only Get More Acrimonious, Trust Us. Over in the Jerz, Dems in the legislature and their Republican governor are headed toward (yet another) showdown on funding the state’s pension system. Chris Christie, shockingly, wants deep benefit cuts. The Dems, meanwhile, say they’ll propose pension reforms if, and only if, Christie agrees to meet the state’s obligations. Good luck with that. [Fox 29]

NYE Party at Penn Frat House Turns Deadly. A 20-year-old college student (at John Carroll University, not Penn) fell 30 feet to his death. Police say it’s as yet unclear if alcohol played a role in his death. The Scoop has a guess. [Daily News]

E-A-G-L-E-S Pep Rally Tonight. At Chickie and Pete’s, if that’s your Thursday night bag. [Daily News]