Night-Night for M. Night?

Will no one give the local director's latest flick a good review? NO ONE? Plus: Chase is out for eight weeks, Gerry Lenfest heeds an S.O.S., and more of what's news in Philly this morning

“An Agonizing Experience.” Reviews are flooding in like Deepwater Horizon oil for M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender. Of course, the last time critics said his career was over, The Happening grossed $160 million. [Roger Ebert, GawkerThe Philly Post]

Did We Say 15 Days? We Meant 8 Weeks. After Chase Utley’s thumb surgery yesterday, the Phils said he’ll be off the field till at least the last week of August. And Placido Polanco looks to be out three to four weeks with triceps tendonitis. [Inquirer]

The Upside of the Septa Fare Hike? First-Class Travel. What? Oh, no — we didn’t mean for you. [Inquirer]

Down the Drain. Montco’s D.A. says a Conshohocken woman may have embezzled as much as $500K from two local sewer authorities. [Daily News]

Lenfest Throws the S.S. United States a Lifeline. $5.8 million from the philanthropist will save the world’s fastest trans-Atlantic ship from the scrapyard — but we may eventually lose it to New York. [Plan Philly]

But If You Use AT&T, Bring Quarters Just in Case. Use your cellphone to pay for parking in Wildwood this summer. [NBC Philadelphia]