Sex on the First Date?

Plus, what to say when people keep badgering you about being single

Hello Monica,
I am single and quite content being single. I am blessed with a loving family and good friends in my life. Why do people think that I need a boyfriend or a husband? Why is it so hard to accept that I like my life as it is?

What an uplifting attitude! Happiness is a wonderful state of mind, one to cherish and pursue. We are so fortunate to be able to enjoy life in so many different ways. The general societal script of marriage and family is not meant for everyone. You sound upbeat, resourceful, giving and creative. These are all valuable ingredients for happiness. Enjoy your life as it is. To all who wish to prescribe for you one prototype of happiness, tell them, “One size does not fit all.” Furthermore, inspire your friends and family to find a multitude of rewarding and life-enriching experiences, just like you are doing. Be who you are!

Am I a slut if I sleep with a guy on the first date?

It depends on how frequently this occurs. The reality is that we do live in a world of double standards. Guys are called “studs”, while women may get labeled with a less flattering word. If sleeping with a man on the first date is your M O, then you might want to think about your reputation. You also have to factor in how you may feel the morning after. Are you going to be emotionally sane if it ends up being just a one-night stand? You need to make this choice with your eyes wide open, knowing the consequences, (the emotional roller coaster, long term potential, etc). Only you know if you can handle sex with no strings attached (with protection of course). If you want to have fun and be liberated that is one thing. If you are playing for keeps, you might want to have another strategy; one that requires taking things more slowly.

MONICA MANDELL, Ph.D. is the Director of the Philadelphia office of Selective Search, the premiere (off-line) upscale matchmaking firm for the most eligible singles. Please send your questions to: