Because you’ve decided at the last minute not to compete in the Wing Bowl tomorrow morning and do not, therefore, need to spend the night doing whatever it is that Wing Bowl contestants do before gorging, I give you …

Karaoke at the Happy Rooster: The DJ is an ass, the drinks not cheap, the room way too cramped, but, oh, it’s such a good time. Should you prefer the private, Asian-style karaoke — i.e., you don’t want to run the risk of your boss seeing you do the Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself” — opt for the brand-new Yakitori Boy.

[Disclaimer: the above photo is actually from a karaoke event in New York. If you see anything this good happening at karaoke tonight in Philly, by all means, send me a picture.]

Apparently, Philly likes its vulgar black comedians: A third Chris Rock show at the Academy of Music goes on sale this Saturday at 10 a.m. ($45.50-$75.50). This will be one of the few times (other than when Peter Nero’s around, from what we hear) that you can hear every profanity in existence uttered multiple times in our hallowed hall.

And if you just can’t bear to go back to actual work, here are Rock’s observations on love — one of his more memorable routines.

THEATER
A big bravo to the brand-new Mauckingbird Theatre Company for selling out the remainder of its very first show, The Misanthrope, an all-male gay retelling of Molière’s comedic masterpiece at the Adrienne. This being a Thursday and all, tonight is your best chance to get in, so show up early (no later than 6:30) and put yourself on the waiting list. (If you don’t get in, you could catch the 7:30 showing of George Clooney’s new pic, Michael Clayton, a few doors down at the Roxy.)

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Because your best friend just canceled tonight’s dinner plans by text, I give you …

Egomaniac Bono and his lesser bandmates in U2 3D, a digital 3D IMAX version of their recent Vertigo tour. 9:30 p.m. in King of Prussia.

When the U.S. National Film Preservation Board recently released the names of the latest “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” films it had chosen for a permanent place in the Library of Congress — an honor currently shared by just 475 films in the Citizen Kane and The Birth of a Nation realm — no one was more surprised than director and Rosemont native Randal Kleiser: Peege, a 28-minute film he made as a U.S.C. master’s student, had made the cut. (more…)

Your early guide to last-minute planning …

DANCE
Tony Award-winning choreographer Bill T. Jones leads the Arnie Zane Dance Company in a one-night-only performance at Penn of Chapel/Chapter!, a fascinating multimedia portrait of our justice system through dance and song. The New York Times called it a “riveting experience.”

CELEB STALKING
I would go see supersexy Juliette Lewis’s band Juliette & the Licks in a hot second, and the Bacon Brothers have a couple of good tunes, but Jeff Daniels? Seems like a bit of a stretch. Still, there have to be more than a few Dumb & Dumber fans out there who will sit through his acoustic blues tonight at World Cafe.

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Because you just don’t want to go home after work tonight …

• Bawdy puppet musical Avenue Q opens tonight at the Forrest. Excellent seats (10 rows from stage) are available.

• Indulge your inner musician self at MilkBoy’s open mic in Ardmore. Alternatively, you could just sit there, sip your latte, and listen to others indulge.

• 27-year-old Jonathan Biss, one of the country’s most accomplished concert pianists, joins the Philadelphia Chamber Music Society’s Mendelssohn Quartet for a bit of Haydn and Bartok at the Kimmel.

Yesterday, film industry trade magazine MovieMaker announced its eighth annual list of the best cities in which to make movies, with Philadelphia landing at number five, below — in this order — Austin, Albuquerque, Shreveport (yes, Shreveport), and New York.

Last year, the magazine gave us the number two spot, just behind New York, citing our generous state tax incentives, grant and loan programs, the efforts of the Greater Philadelphia Film Office, and, oh yeah, the fact that we’re just a cool city to be in, what with our “beautiful derelict outer slums” and all. (more…)

Because you just don’t want to go home after work tonight …

• If you’re up for a flick, the Philadelphia Jewish Film Festival presents Stealing Klimt, a documentary about a woman’s search for paintings stolen from her family by the Nazis. And if that is way too serious for you, I’d say you need the Big Lebowski and a few White Russians at the Troc.

• Eat out, just because it’s Restaurant Week. Tonight, you can still get into some of my personal favorites, including Nineteen, Brasserie Perrier, Alma De Cuba, and Zot. Hurry!

• Take a fun class. There’s comedy improv at the Walking Fish Theatre or bellydancing in Fairmount.

Tony-nominated Broadway actress (and daughter of world renowned avant-garde composer George Crumb) Ann Crumb has returned to her hometown of Media for the local premiere of Souvenir, a play about the life of Florence Foster Jenkins, a wealthy 1940s socialite who became famous for her — positively wretched — voice. Jenkins somehow managed to sell out Carnegie Hall, self-finance recordings and, quite possibly, die without ever knowing just how bad she really was. I caught up with Crumb this morning to discuss fame, (fake) bad singing, and suburban dining. (more…)