The University of Pennsylvania’s athletic department is apparently trying desperately to further sanitize the Quakers’ already lily-white basketball fans: Administrators have requested that the team’s pep band stop playing the ubiquitous sporting event song “Rock and Roll (Part 2)” — you know: Duhhh-nuh-nuh-nuh … HEY! — to keep the not-so-raucous crowds from adding “You suck!” to the Gary Glitter ditty.

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A rundown of this week’s notable columns, articles and uninformed opinions from area college news organizations.

And they were all yellow, too: Penn apparently has a storied tradition of urinating on a Ben Franklin statue on campus. The article begins with a freshman named Conor Walsh unzipping and preparing to unleash his Ivy yellow stream onto the statue of the university’s founder that sits near Locust Walk. Then a sophomore pops up, unfurls as well and relieves himself atop the good Franklin’s noggin. See? Even smart kids embrace their God-given right to partake in activities once resigned to those who attend community colleges. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

You see all the stars when you walk along Lancaster Avenue: The Villanovan compiles a list of all its famous alumni: Ed Rendell, Brian Westbrook, Maria Bello, Jim Croce, the CEO of Sunoco … The career choices are limitless. However, noticeably absent from the list of distinguished alumni? Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee indicted on federal racketeering and gambling charges. [Villanovan]

Hail, hail Flippy-Cup: The Hawk trots out the tired — but always entertaining — Partying 101 story, offering the latest in empirical data and anecdotal evidence suggesting that students know how to get smashed effectively on a routine basis. Also? Freshman girls are apparently very popular when it comes to getting invited to college drinking parties. Hopefully you didn’t hurt your head after being knocked off your chair by that revelation. [The Hawk]

Comcast blues: La Salle student John O’Riordan finally leaves his oppressive parents’ house, returns to safety of own messy Chew Avenue apartment, has feeling of freedom snatched from him by Comcast because his internet won’t work and his cable is getting screwy. What to do? Make a call, complain, call again, complain again, then when all else fails, write an editorial about it in the school newspaper. Comcast, you’ve been warned. John O’Riordan is not to be tussled with. [Collegian]

PHOTO: Daily Pennsylvanian

Jessica Haralson, Penn’s sultana of sluttiness, pops up in this month’s Playboy magazine in a roundtable discussion-type article about the “state of sex” on college campuses. (It is, apparently, still quite a common activity.) Haralson is no stranger to the national spotlight — she was the founding editor of the local Ivy’s first erotic magazine, Quake, when she was still just a bulge-inspecting sophomore. Now a senior, she’s apparently become a full-blown sexpert.

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The quick exit of Penn dean of admissions Lee Stetson last week has the rumor mill fired up. According to sources around the campus, Inquirer reporters are circling, smelling blood, but have been stonewalled by university admins. The Daily Pennsylvanian thinks something’s up as well, citing a glaring lack of information and sentimental tributes that usually accompany a high-ranking administrator’s retirement.

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In the lonely morass of Philadelphia college football, Penn State is clearly the darling, even though its campus is a good 234 Mapquest miles away. Ticket prices for this weekend’s nationally televised fracas with Notre Dame are skyrocketing with each passing hour, going for as much as $500 apiece. However, that may not be the most exciting regional action this weekend. For the first time in four years, the red-helmeted heroes at Temple are actually favored this weekend by 3 1/2 points in their game against the University of Buffalo.

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