If you’re reading this, you are not one of the 160,000 people (statistically anyway) who died yesterday. And if you play your cards right, you might just hold on through the weekend. Get out there and do something while you still can.

What does “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” mean, anyway? … For those uncultured among you, Patti LuPone is not just Corky’s mom on Life Goes On. She is, in fact, a Tony-Award-winning actress with lots of brass in both attitude and voice, and I hear that her musical revue at the Prince with Mandy Patinkin (think lots of Sondheim and undoubtedly a little Evita, which the two starred in back in the ’80s, and, hopefully, a little Sweeney Todd, in which Lupone was absolutely spectacular last year) is fabulous in that “your mom will love it” sorta way. The folks at the Prince tell us that good seats are still available for Saturday’s matinee.

Unwrap all candy BEFORE the show starts … This weather is movie theater weather, so stash some drinks and bagged popcorn in your bulkiest winter coat and catch a flick. If you know where Ambler is, you might consider checking out the newly renovated Ambler Theater, which the Philadelphia Weekly gushes over this week. Think art house, not multiplex. What would be much more fun, though, is a trip to the International House for the 24-hour Horror-thon, presented by Exhumed Films — local curators of the wickedest and cheesiest horror films known to man. At $20 for this entire day of gore, that’s less than a cent per liter of blood spilled.

Boooooooooo-tsie … Philly’s Bootsie Barnes may be old and cranky, but he can still blow one mean-ass tenor sax. Hear him do so tonight (Friday) with his organ quartet at Chris’ Jazz Cafe, a 2007 Best of Philly winner.

But is it a fruit or a vegetable? … If you haven’t done so already, right now is probably a good time to think about your Halloween pumpkin. First, you need a pumpkin, and while going to the Ack-a-me might be the easiest solution, picking your own is a bit more rewarding. (Plus there are usually corn mazes around, so you might finally lose your kids once and for all.) Once you’ve acquired said pumpkin, avoid the modern trappings, like those Pimp My Pumpkin kits, and get into a little old-school carving the Martha Stewart way. Finally, whatever you do, don’t try making pumpkin pie with your pumpkin flesh. In this one very specific instance, canned is always the way to go. Or better yet, leave the pie-making to local charity Manna.

What if I gave him fangs??? … Everyone knows the story of Dracula, but the should-be-better-known Rosenbach Museum near Rittenhouse Square presents the story of the story of Dracula using the original research and notes of Bram Stoker, the novel’s author. If you go on Saturday and notice a bunch of ghoulish characters from the book roaming around the Square, it’s just the Rosenbach’s annual Dracula parade.

As always, e-mail me with your Weekender ideas and dinner invitations.

If Chaka Khan were a character on the television show Heroes, her enormous voice would be her superpower, capable of crushing the evildoers before even getting to the chorus. Tonight, the brickhouse responsible for such hits as “Tell Me Something Good,” “Ain’t Nobody,” “I Feel for You” and “I’m Every Woman” takes to the stage in Atlantic City in support of Funk This, her first studio album in a decade. She took a few minutes out of her diva schedule to discuss addiction, Broadway and the Neo Soul movement Philly Sound. — Victor Fiorillo

Do you enjoy the sounds of Philly’s Neo Soul movement and its artists like Jill Scott and Jaguar Wright?
I love the Philly Sound. But Neo Soul, there’s no such thing. Soul is soul. There’s nothing new about it.

Speaking of the Philly Sound, have you ever worked with its architects, Gamble and Huff?
I almost did, sometime in the early ’80s I think. I don’t know why it didn’t — it was a personality clash or something.

I read that you changed your name from Yvette to Chaka while you working with the Black Panthers, and I was wondering —
No, I was named Chaka by a Yoruba priest when I was 15. After that, I worked with the Party. Probably when I was 16.

Are you still politically active?
Yeah, but not in the way most people think about it. I’m working more about solutions. I’m working with a middle school in Watts. I’m speaking with these children, helping them get into college, getting them grants, taking them around the world, giving them choices. So I’m active more socially than politically.

Next year, you’re playing Sophie in The Color Purple on Broadway. Are you nervous about making the transition to the theater?
Well, I’ve done a musical before in London’s West End, so it’s not new to me. Broadway of course will be new to me, a whole different experience. I think I’ll be able to handle it, especially since the character is so much like me. She’s no nonsense, doesn’t take any crap. She’s one of the most powerful characters in the play.

It’s been 10 years since you’ve been in the studio. What took so long?
I didn’t have a label. I was passive-aggressively looking for another label. But working hard at the same time, constantly on the road, doing other people’s projects, waiting for the right components to come along … I’ve been living out of my suitcase. And I had an ordeal with my son, and my sobriety, but that’s all cleared up. And then the right components came together and we struck a deal.

Tell me about getting sober.
I was hiding, self-medicating. But I was working at the same time. I was a functioning user. I was going through a life change, and it was a tough one. I have a lot of work to do on my own life. Addiction was just a symptom, and I got down to the nitty-gritty.

Does religion play a part in your life now?
No, spirituality. I’m not part of any organized religion. I go to the church of Khan. I’m not born again or anything like that, but I’ve always remained connected with my higher power. I was having a hard life, a really hard time. But I’ve passed it, and I’ve persevered.

Brat Productions, one of our favorite groups of local renegade thespians, is currently gearing up for their holiday spectacular, A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant, scheduled for the second half of December. Auditions are being held this weekend for the parts of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard (pictured), Angelic Girl, Robot Child and the operator of the E-Meter, the lie detector that Scientologists use to control clear the minds of their members.

Given the litigious nature of the Scientology organization, which always seems to be using the courts to convince the world at large that they are not a bunch of raving lunatics, we can’t help but wonder if Brat is going to have legal difficulties over the production. If so, it won’t be the first time.

In 2005, the tiny company garnered national press when the owners of the Grease script issued a cease-and-desist order over Brat’s all-female version of the show, explaining that the role of Danny simply could not be played by a woman. Brat responded by pulling an all-nighter and coming up with Grease and Desist, a satiric version of the show that won critical acclaim. — Victor Fiorilo

You may not know the name Steve Vai. But unless you think that heavy metal is just the stuff you don’t want in your drinking water, you’ve undoubtedly heard his screamingly fast guitar work, since he’s played with the likes of Ozzy Osbourne, David Lee Roth, Frank Zappa, and Whitesnake. Since leaving that world of overindulgence in the ’80s, Vai has maintained a successful solo career with more than a dozen albums; he appears tonight at the Keswick and on Saturday at the Borgata. I caught up with this six-string soldier before sound check. — Victor Fiorillo

Every teenage boy wants to pick up the guitar and play it. Why?
It’s not just teenage boys. It’s all boys, adults too. It’s a very expressive instrument, more so than others. You can play it loud and extremely aggressive — it can be more aggressive than any other instrument, but it can also be more tender. It’s very sexy.

Do you have some ridiculous number of guitars?
No, I don’t collect. I used to collect hot sauce, which is a really cool hobby. They come in very colorful bottles, and I can get it anywhere in the world. But I think that I’ve satiated my bottle desire.

There’s a certain image that goes along with rock and roll, an image that you clearly projected when you were onstage with Whitesnake, but I hear you’re actually a pretty humble, down-to-earth guy.
Back in the ’80s, being a rock star was very chic. The clothes you wore and the way you acted and the stage performance and persona was what we did back then. I embraced that. It was fun, really great. I like experimenting with fashion. All my clothes are custom-made, and I change like three times in the show. It’s part of the performance. I don’t pine for the days of yore when rock stars were rock stars. And I don’t consider myself a rock star. I am a thoroughly trained musical person that creates compositions with the instrument.

You have a very impressive worldwide following, but some of the musicians you used to work with play bigger houses, have bigger names. Does it make you jealous?
When I left those rock bands and decided to make the music I wanted to make, I thought I would have no audience at all. And the fact that I can travel the world and find an audience in virtually any place I go, including communist China, that’s an extraordinary privilege. I’m a guy with virtually zero radio airplay, never in Rolling Stone, don’t have MTV, VH1 or any television, and yet I can play all over after 27 years. I look at that and say “Man, you better be grateful, Vai.”

I heard that you’re a beekeeper, and we’ve been hearing a lot about this shortage of honeybees. What’s with that?
About a year ago I had to move my hives to an orange grove in Valencia because I was doing a remodel of the house. After we finish our garage, I’ll get a bunch of colonies back. But it’s all very concerning. Honeybees are responsible for so much of the food we eat. It’s very mysterious the way they just vanished. They didn’t die. They vanished. I have my theories.

Have you been stung a lot?
No, honeybees are pretty mild. Now, yellowjackets grew up in a rough neighborhood — you’ve got to watch them. Each hive is different. The temperament of each hive is based on the queen. I’ve had some very aggressive hives that kicked the shit out of me, but I get Italian queens now, and they’re bred for mild nature and productivity. I can go to my Italian hive and it will be gigantic — they make tons of honey.

I’ve never been stung, so I’m deathly afraid.
If you can avoid it, you’re probably better off.

Are you going to see your former bandmate David Lee Roth perform with Van Halen?
I’d like to if I can get tickets. It’s a hard ticket to get.

I think you know the right people who can help you out.
No, I don’t want to ask anybody for tickets. But I’ll probably go. I’m a fan of Edward’s [Eddie Van Halen]. He’s an historical legendary guitar player who changed the face of rock guitar playing, and I can count on one crippled hand the amount of people who have done that. And I am not one of them.

With Philadelphia’s too-cool-for-school Fringe Fest in full swing, it’s the perfect time for politicians to seek out a younger constituency. Of course, mayor-to-be Michael Nutter knows this — and so, according to an e-mail circulating in the Philadelphia theater community, he popped into the opening night of Run Zola Run at the Adrienne to drum up some greasy-haired support.

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The Philadelphia Theater Company had to scramble recently after Kathy Bates dropped out of Terrence McNally’s drama Unusual Acts of Devotion. The veteran actress, known for Misery and Fried Green Tomatoes, was set to appear October 23rd through December 2nd at the new Suzanne Roberts Theatre, but she’s backed out of the play for health reasons — and now PTC has to open its season without her star power.

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