“It is with a heavy hand,” started a recent letter from the Green Valley Country Club to its members, “that we are forced to compose the following.” The missive from the prestigious near-century-year-old private club in Lafayette Hill went on to note that the club had recently upgraded its equipment, purchasing 6,000 Callaway balls — 1,000 of which had gone missing. (Gentleman’s game indeed!) And the Greens Committee was not happy. There would, the letter promised, be a thorough search of “each and every bag in the bag room,” but not before a show of rachmanus (“compassion,” for goy members): a one-week amnesty period in which culprits could turn in the range balls. After that, the letter notes, those found with balls would be disciplined at the hands of the Greens Committee. Sirs, you’ve been warned.
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