You Really Shouldn’t Look at These Wing Bowl Pics

But we're showing them to you anyway.

This is the part where we warn you that Wing Bowl isn’t for everyone. It’s not for children. It’s not for those with weak stomachs. It’s not for prudes, people with exorbitant amounts of integrity, or anyone aiming to impress. It is, however, designed for the large contingent of Philadelphians who would like to get drunk before work on the Friday before the Super Bowl.

How can you resist the random references to Philly greats like Harry Kalas and the Broad Street Bullies? Do you know what makes two Stanley Cup wins in the ’70s better? Scantily clad women escorting fat men to a table where they’ll gorge on hundreds of buffalo wings.

I don’t think it gets any more Philly than a Weapon X jersey and a “DRAFT PICKS SUCK” sign. Well, maybe if they had found a way to sneak in a F&$% the Cowboys blurb somewhere.

Wing Bowl 20 wouldn’t be complete without at least a minor tribute to Philly’s true boxing hero. We’ve still got our fingers crossed that he wasn’t poisoned.

So, this is a subtle and dignified approach to picking up women, no?

Welp, if it wasn’t subtle or dignified, at least it was effective.

Oh, that’s right, guys are eating wings, also.

And singeing images into our brains that will ruin your appetite for the rest of the week. Best. Motivation. To diet. Ever.

Though, even the mess can’t distract from the art here. Seriously, 337 wings? We want a piss test because there’s no way he can do that without PEDs.

Kobayashi made $20,000 for eating buffalo wings. We’re not sure where we went wrong, but we’re definitely in the wrong profession. We tender our resignation effective immediately.

We’d kill to hear the Q&A segment of this “beauty pageant.” Though, we’re not sure we’ve got the stomachs to ask about the talent portion of the contest.

And we thought we had a rough night. Is there a lower low than PTFO in public at 6 a.m. with a stuffed hamburger on your lap?