20 Signs that Spring Is Actually Going to Happen in Philadelphia
Begone with your Punxsutawney guesswork and horticulture-based projections — this super-beautiful weekend has me convinced that spring is precariously close to sprung. I base this not on unreliable barometers like “scientific weather data” and “experts who know what they’re talking about” — instead, it’s the pure power of Philly observation that’s informed this airtight conclusion. After the jump, 20 excuses to check out mentally 20 reasons why I think we’re ready to leave this shitty winter behind, once and for all (more or less).
– Clark Park is still mushy and muddy, but it’s not stopping kids from flying kites. (No LARPers yet; hopefully soon.)
– Dirty gross snowdrifts around the city are melting away… revealing a full winter’s worth of Hot Cheetos bags and Arctic Splash cartons. I’ll pick them up on the way back.
– There are hot-mess Erin Expressers occupying every inch of weekend pavement in Center City. A divisive topic to be sure, but nothing says spring like sobbing girls in Miller Lite-soaked jeggings and pit-stained dudes with dyed-green soul patches.
– Philly’s own War on Drugs is set to release the super-springy Lost in the Dream, which is getting excellent reviews.
– Lightly bundled latte-clutching urbanites are clamoring for bench perches in Rittenhouse Square, even though much of the park’s terrain still looks like Lilyhammer. They’re all angling for primo seating to observe cats on leashes.
– The playground at Malcolm X Park is hoppin’.
– The Columbus Boulevard Home Depot has transformed into a madhouse filled with manic do-it-yourself enthusiasts who really need to speak to a manager about a certain kind of lightbulb. (Advice: Stop looking, go get a Rocco’s Sausage outside.)
– Local food purevyors are launching social media bragging campaigns about their impending spring bounties.
– Citizens are finally emerging from their homes to interact with their neighbors. Like this guy, who let his dog poop in a cop’s yard then beat up the cop when the cop asked him to clean it up. The cop ended up shooting him. SPRING!
– For the nostalgists: Bobby Abreu is stinking it up in Clearwater.
– The line to get into the wash-and-lube is causing multi-block traffic jams.
– We’re poised to experience a serious uptick in Rocky statue pics, which was recently named one of the world’s top travel photo cliches.
– Dog parking is at full capacity.
– Center City valets are rocking short sleeves.
– It’s finally warm and bright enough to fully appreciate the ever-evolving art show that is North Fifth Street.
– John’s Water Ice has a sweet new sign. They open April 1.
– Welcome back, civil disobedience!
– The South Philly Bowl is leaving its door open, pesky welcome mat of snow be damned.
– We might actually witness the blossoming of waylaid Sixers draft pick Nerlens Noel this spring, even though the team is trying to play it off. C’mon, Brett! This season’s been a historic drag. Put the kid in as a sign of sunny basketball days to come.
– Bros prematurely wearing shorts even though it is not close to shorts weather yet. My personal favorite sartorial bro subgenre, followed by bros in unseasonal flip-flops.
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(All photos Drew Lazor)