Golden Globes Recap: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Just zip it already, Tarantino.

Within moments of the start of the 70th annual Golden Globes, I knew that I wanted Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to host every awards show from this point on. (Well, that, and to be my friends.) Smart, hilarious, wicked: They showed—unlike Ricky Gervais or Sacha Baron Cohen—that being mean isn’t a requisite for being funny. Even when their jokes were barbed, their aw shucks demeanor lessened the blow.

For a 3-hour show (which would have been a lot shorter if Lena Dunham had learned to walk in her high heels), there were many standout moments. Here are my picks:

The Good

  • During E! preshow coverage, Aziz Ansari’s hilariously adorable response when Giuliana Rancic asked what he was wearing: “Kevin Dior?… uh, uh… Christian Dior! That’s his cousin. He works at Home Depot.”
  • The best lines from Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s opening: “You can smell the pills from here.” “The Golden Globes: where beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-face people of television.” And, “Meryl Streep isn’t here tonight because she has the flu. But I heard she’s amazing in it.”
  • But the funniest line of the night: Amy Poehler, about Kathryn Bigelow: “When it comes to torture, I trust the lady married three years to James Cameron.”
  • Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s fake nominees: “Darcy St. Fudge” and “Damien Francisco” for Dog President.
  • Daniel Craig high-fiving Adele when “Skyfall” won Best Original Song. Meanwhile, the losing (and surly-looking) Taylor Swift begins mentally writing lyrics for anti-Adele song.
  • Kevin Costner’s touching, reverent acceptance speech for his performance in Hatfields and McCoys.
  • Bill Clinton introduces Lincoln for Best Picture. Lincoln wins Oscar.
  • Lena Dunham, winner for Best Actress and Best Comedy Series for Girls, on thanking Chad Lowe in her speech: “Because Hillary Swank forgot. And because I’m an a**hole.” Awesome.
  • The quick shots of random people talking during commercial breaks. Seriously, what did Helena Bonham Carter and Lorne Michaels talk about?
  • Fake drunk Glenn Close supplants weird clap Brendan Fraser as my favorite Golden Globes gif of all time.
  • Jodie Foster’s frazzled, surprising, personal, meandering, heartfelt, poignant, acceptance speech for the Cecil B. DeMille award.

The Bad

  • Jodie Foster’s frazzled, surprising, personal, meandering, heartfelt, poignant, acceptance speech for the Cecil B. DeMille award.
  • As Golden Globe-winning composer Mychael Danna (for Life of Pi) comes to the stage, this announcement: “Bringing the Golden Globe to the stage, international recording star Yoshiki.”
  • The shot of Tommy Lee Jones not looking amused by Kristen Weig and Will Ferrell’s introduction for Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. “Get out of here.”
  • After all of these years, Nicole Kidman (winner of 1 Oscar and 3 Golden Globes) still acts awkward in every interview and surprised/humiliated when the interviewers ask about her dress. It’s getting old.
  • Quentin Tarantino’s speech after winning for Best Screenplay, highlighted by this nugget: “When I read [my script] to you, I hear it through your ears… You’ll never know how much encouragement you give me through that.”
  • The long stretches of time where Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were nowhere to be seen.

The Ugly

  • E!’s pre-show’s “Mani-Cam” where actresses are asked to put their hands in a fake mini-red carpet set. It’s almost as embarrassing as purple-haired Kelly Osbourne, the fashion “expert.”
  • Yes, the Golden Globes tend to be a bit lax on decorum, but Sacha Baron Cohen set a new low by making fun of his Les Mis co-stars Russell Crowe (for his voice) and Anne Hathaway (for embarrassing photos).
  • Catherine Zeta-Jones. Yet another beautiful actress afflicted with frozen face syndrome.