Whose Eagles Deal Is Better: ACME or Dunkin’ Donuts?

ACME gives you a discount if you wear Eagles gear. Dunkin’ gives you free coffee after a win. The team’s 6-9. Hmm.

The Eagles last night finally ended a five-game losing streak that seemed much longer, beating the Giants, 24-19 at Lincoln Financial Field. (As usual, Birds 24/7 has more.)

But last night’s victory was also a win for local coffee drinkers, who for the first time since November 14th — the day after a 24-15 win over the Falcons — can enjoy a free hot or iced medium coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. The donut-and-coffee chain holds a promotion where, if the Eagles win, you get a free drink the next day if you sign up for their “DD Perks” campaign. (Yes, I agree: “DD Perks” would be an excellent name for a stripper.)

The Eagles are 6-9 this season, and have not been doing much for fans who enjoy free coffee. But there is a business in the region that has been giving us free stuff just for liking the Eagles, no matter how they’ve done this season: ACME.

The ACME deal is simple: Every game day, you get 5 percent off your bill of $20 or more if you wear Eagles gear to the store. That means you save $1 for every $20 you spend. According to the invaluable site Fast Food Menu Prices, in Pennsylvania a medium hot coffee at Dunkin’ costs an average of $2.12 while a medium iced coffee costs an average of $2.79.

You don’t need to know calculus to figure out which deal is better. Let’s say you’re an iced coffee drinker and you’ve gotten a free one every time the Eagles won this season. At $2.79 a pop, that’s $16.74 of free drinks the Eagles have earned you this season. Dunkin’ giving you that much in free drinks isn’t enough to make you forget how bad the Eagles’ wide receiving corps is, but it helps.

But if you shop at ACME, the Eagles help you save every week — win or lose. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average American spends $330 a month on groceries. Divide that by four (to make things simple) and you get $82.50 a week. Five percent of $82.50 is roughly $4.12. Times that by the 16 weeks of the Eagles’ season — they’re not making the playoffs this year — and you get $65.92 in savings over the course of the 2016 season.

But let’s say you don’t spend that much money on groceries. Even if the Eagles went undefeated, you only have to spend $55.80 a week to equal the cost of that $2.79 iced coffee. To equal the cost of that $16.74 in iced coffees the Eagles have actually won for you this season, you’d only need to spend about $20.92 a week at the ACME.

Dunkin’ prices vary, but it’s easy to see: The ACME deal is better as long as there’s an ACME near you. The only way the Dunkin’ deal is better: The chain has far more locations than ACME does.

Of course, maybe you don’t like coffee and you don’t shop at ACME. (I suppose you might not also own any Eagles clothes, but I’m pretty sure that’s against the law in most Philadelphia-area municipalities.) Don’t worry. There may still be an Eagles deal for you.

Yep. The Wendy’s at 11th and Walnut offers free nuggets after Eagles wins. There’s actually a Dunkin’ Donuts across the street, too! Today you could get a coffee at Dunkin in the old Joe’s coffee spot, then waltz across the street and get some free nuggets with your fries. Then you can sit in the 80s-style Wendy’s solarium and enjoy your free stuff — courtesy of our crappy, Super Bowl-less football team. Hey, at least they give us something.

Follow @dhm on Twitter.