What Your Yoga Teacher Wants to Say to You (But Won’t)

This. Is. Hilarious.

Guys, I am cracking UP over this post over on Elephant Journal. It’s written by one ballsy yoga teacher named Alice Williams, who’s finally getting off her chest all the things she (and yoga teachers everywhere, really) want to say to students, but won’t. Examples:

You in the back, who keeps checking your mobile phone, see the way you’re jamming your arms straight, crunching your lower back and throwing your head back? You know how your mouth was moving before? We’re saying ‘don’t do that.’

Can’t do yoga because you’re ‘not flexible’? We admire you more than you realise just for turning up. Having said that, if you insist on contorting your body into the most advanced version of every pose ‘cause that’s real yoga,’ then send my love to your chiropractor.

We don’t like it when you leave before Savasana, for the same reason that Jamie doesn’t like you taking your lemon chicken out of the oven ten minutes early: you’re undercooked. And also, it’s really rude.

No one cares what you wear. Having said that, those leggings are more see-through than you think. [Editor’s note: I’ve already called Be Wellers out on this, and offered tips for how to avoid a see-through debacle.]

We will never tell you what we really think of Bikram unless we are drunk.

Read the full post here. And yoga teachers, tell us what YOU are dying to say to your students, but haven’t, in the comments below. (We won’t tell.)

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