Meet the Barnes Foundation’s Celebrity Twinsies

With apologies to Dr. Albert, here’s who the works in his great collection remind me of.

"Léopold Zborowski," painted by Modigliani in 1919, totally looks like ... Pete Campbell from Mad Men, if he had a beard. "Pete, Pete, Pete...what are we going to do with you, buddy?" - everyone who watches Mad Men to their TVs, every week.

I’ll be the first to admit that the probably-expired yogurt in my fridge has more culture than I do. I barely made it out of Art History 101 alive, the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word “symphony” is the candy bar, and most of my exposure to opera has come in the form of commercials for canned ravioli. That’s not to say that I don’t consume massive amounts of culture on the daily — it’s just not the classy, smart-people-at-an-erudite-cocktail-party kind. It’s more the kind with Jason Statham.

I felt a little out of my league during a recent visit to the Barnes Foundation, which is approaching its second anniversary in its controversial new space on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. Not having visited the original Merion location prior to its relocation, I was wowed by the intricacies of the idiosyncratic layout of each room, to say nothing of the tremendous work itself.

Of course, since I know very little about any of the incredibly important artists represented in the collection, I felt my brain turning the reins over to the neurons responsible for rotting it. I began noting every portrait that bore even the slightest resemblance to a dumb celebrity or personality, writing the names of the pieces down in my notebook with a pen, until security flexed on me and insisted I use a tiny golf pencil instead. The results are laid out for you after the jump.


I was having fun, but I felt like a total moron — but then I overheard a tourist telling his wife that the dark, disturbing work of morose expressionist Chaim Soutine reminded him of Rod Serling's Night Gallery. We immediately became best friends, forever, in my head.

I'm sorry Dr. Barnes.



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  • DEXTER

    How unimaginatively trite and lazy. Wow, you are a “little person” just like me, not some strange sophisticated creep who looks down on me. Oh wait, you are a pretentious creep from hipster doofusville, and you are so far superior to anyone who is a fancy pants museum person. Golly Gee Wiz, it sure is fun being dumb!