March is over! The best part about this is not the nicer (“nicer”) weather or the sunnier days. No, the best part is a dramatic reduction of brackets.
To decide the best team of the 68 who qualify for its postseason tournament, the NCAA uses a bracket. It is a good way to whittle down the top 68 teams to just 1! Single-game elimination is not the most fair way to decide a champion, but 68 teams is too many to hold round-robin groups or a bunch of best-of series.
For some reason, the media finds March a great time to hold brackets of everything. Drugs versus Alcohol, from Jezebel. The fucking Philadelphia sports media, from Crossing Broad. A bracket of brackets, from Sportsgrid. The fucking White House did a fucking animated GIF bracket.
But there’s no reason for these champions (“champions”) to be decided in brackets. There’s no need for a single-elimination tournament to decide these! We could vote for our favorites with no need to do it one-by-one. We could have a panel of experts decide the best curse words or whatever. (Darn, George Carlin would have been perfect for this.) I realize this is a silly objection to the whole process — these brackets aren’t meant to be taken seriously — but I have a white-hot hatred for any bracket besides ones done for single-elimination tournaments (sports, and other games).
Well, I did. Until I saw NFL.com’s Best Quarterback bracket. Do you know who is in the Final Four? Donovan McNabb! He was a five-seed (out of eight) in the “Millennials” bracket, and has defeated quite a few star QBs so far! Two of these, he deserved to win.
- Round 1: (5) McNabb defeats (4) Kurt Warner, 63% to 37%
- Round 2: (5) McNabb defeats (8) Rich Gannon, 76% to 24%
- Round 3: (5) McNabb defeats (7) Drew Bledsoe, 70% to 30%
And now he’s in the Final Four against Johnny Unitas! And look how he’s doing!
73 percent to 27 percent! Clearly, the voters don’t like Johnny Unitas’ haircut (you can set your watch to it!).
It looks like he’ll be facing Joe Montana in the finals. But we need to make sure he gets by Johnny U. So vote! Vote for McNabb! He’s not the greatest quarterback of all time, but we can make it that way.