With an average high this weekend of something like 184 degrees, it’s imperative that you be comfortable while not sacrificing entertainment value. Here are a few ways to achieve both ends …

Use the theater’s A.C. … Movies are always a good bet when our city is overtaken by the 3 H’s. Sure, you could try to get into the Dark Knight, but it’s selling out all over the place — including the entire weekend’s run at the Franklin Institute’s IMAX, the absolute best place you could see it — so a few less populist options for you: The Colonial gets its Rocky Horror on on Saturday night (though I am appalled that you are not allowed to bring in your own props — they make you buy prop bags) and the Jersey ode Clerks on Sunday. Been hearing good things about French thriller Tell No One and Herzog’s Encounters at the End of the World. Did not like the Hunter S. Thompson documentary, Gonzo. At all. And don’t forget the Philadelphia International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, which wraps up on Tuesday.

Immerse yourself … If you think water parks are just for the kids, you need to get over to Hershey’s awesome Boardwalk, which opened last year (plans for an expansion, called the Boardwalk “Sea”quel, are in the works). Yes, there are plenty of low-impact ways for the kids to get wet, but there are also aggressive water rides for those thrill-seekers among you, like the Coastline Plunge, Canyon River Rapids, and Tidal Force. But none of these are quite as heart-attack inducing as Hershey’s brand-new Fahrenheit roller coaster, with its 97-degree negative drop. If that sounds bad to you, it’s because it is. Here’s a front-seat ride video.

Downashore … It’s true that the Shore is only going to be a few degrees cooler than Philly this weekend, but when you’re talking about the difference between 89 and 95 degrees, that difference can be all that matters. Ocean City does its Night In Venice boat parade on Saturday, with Flyers legend Bernie Parent as grand marshal. Boardwalk Hall presents Elton John on Saturday. Al Green’s at the House of Blues on Sunday. And how could I leave out Sunday’s birthday party in Margate for everyone’s favorite six-story elephant, Lucy, who has a totally annoying website.

And for the heat-loving masochists … Learn how to cook over an open hearth at Historic Cold Spring Village’s 19th-century cooking demonstrations. There’s something horrible-sounding called the “Ben Franklin Bridge Climb”. And finally, sure, it sponsors Back On My Feet, but a 24-hour race? I think I’ll pop open an ice cold one and send ‘em a check.

I can’t afford to make it to the Mamma Mia! opening night at the Academy of Music this evening at 7:30. Now, that’s not to say that it’s not a good deal, with tickets ranging from $28 to $100. It’s just that my meager (read: nonexistent) intern salary doesn’t allow for internationally renowned Broadway shows that I couldn’t care less about. I’d rather spend the money on, oh, you know, Ramen and tuna. But for those of you with the green, and I know that you’re out there, this is the best — albeit only — show you’ll ever see that combines ABBA’s greatest hits with a lovely tale of “love, laughter and friendship.” Also, even if you miss it tonight, there’s no reason to fret, because all that ABBA-y goodness continues through July 27th.

But if you’re feeling more pimped-out weedhead than Broadwayed-out discoSwede, there’s always the rather odd pairing of the iconic Snoop Dogg with 311 (who will almost certainly be playing that ubiquitous radio darling “Down” that topped the charts, like, 10 years ago or something) at Penn’s Landing. Tickets are $49.50 for general admission, which seems like a bit much, cash-strapped or not. Word is that Snoop will hit the questionable but still well populated G Lounge tonight after the 7 p.m. show. — Jordan Hickey

If you want to avoid the scalpers and Craigslist scams, consult this handy guide to the shows soon to go on sale …

Note: All shows go on sale this Saturday at 10 a.m.

If you’re not able to make his performance tonight at the Susquehanna Bank Center (there are still very good seats available), John Mayer, the tattooed, multi-talented singer who has lately been keeping the company of Miss Jennifer Aniston (have they come up with a cutesy combined name for them yet, a la Bennifer/Brangelina?) checks into the Borgata on August 24th. $81 and $96.

Someone must still like the Indigo Girls. If you’re in that sociological subset, see them when they strum and whine at the House of Blues in AC on September 25th. $32 and $49.

And cleaning up all that earnest, folky mess at the HOB is the amazingly still truckin’ diabetic blues legend known as B.B. King. November 29th. $46 and $118.

Yes, next weekend is a three-dayer, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t get out and make the most of this weekend. Here are seven ways to do it …

Hit A.C. … Sip a beachy cocktail by the pool at the Borgata’s brand new and ultraluxe Water Club. Be mesmerized at the new Kalin & Ginger magic show at Trump Marina (read my interview with illusionist Mark Kalin here). See the least attractive Beatle at the Taj. There’s also the cover-band festival Fake Fest at the Marina and the excessively altered Joan Rivers at Harrah’s.

Avoid blockbusters … If you’re sickened by the current box office offerings (The Love Guru, that Shyamalan disaster), the Philadelphia Independent Film Festival, all weekend in Northern Liberties, might provide the cure.

Enjoy opera without the stupid glasses … On Sunday, the Bryn Mawr Film Institute shows Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde, filmed at Milan’s Teatro alla Scala; it’s the last in BMFI’s opera series for a while, so get your arias in while you still can.

Watch veins pop … The whole 4th of July Welcome America festival kicks off on Saturday with, what else, a strongman competition on the Parkway. Stick around for the Rocky screening outside of the Art Museum at 9 p.m.

Rock out … The Philly-founded Paul Green School of Rock celebrates ten years teaching the future of America how to channel their inner thrashers with its annual festival at Penn’s Landing and the Electric Factory. The kids get to jam with the Butthole Surfers, Devo and the Dropkick Murphys.

Pretend you understand art … Yes, it’s true that there’s usually no good reason to go to Manayunk, but the Philly Mag-sponsored Manayunk Arts Festival might be a good time to reconsider. Saturday 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., Sunday 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Get played … No matter what you might think, Oprah’s production of The Color Purple at the Academy is good. Go see it. And Souvenir, starring Media-native and Tony nominee Ann Crumb as early 20th-century eccentric and horrible opera singer Florence Foster Jenkins, closes at the Wilma on Sunday.

If you want to avoid the scalpers and Craigslist scams, consult this handy guide to the shows soon to go on sale.

Break out the leather and peroxide, people, because British bad boy Billy Idol brings the rock to the House of Blues in A.C. on Saturday, August 23rd. I’ve got no idea what this punk has been up to since the days of “White Wedding” and “Rebel Yell,” but with stick-in-the-head songs like those, does anyone really care? $39.50 to $49.50.

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If you want to avoid the scalpers and Craigslist scams, consult this handy guide to the shows soon to go on sale …

Outside of the ol’ MILF porn (and, of course, at Rouge), there aren’t too many women in their 50s walking around using the phrase “sticky and sweet” to describe themselves, but the Sticky & Sweet Tour is such a better name than the Music Tour, the Who’s That Girl Tour, and The Drowned World Tour (missed that one, did ya?). Madonna sashays her delicious self into the Wachovia Center on November 19th and Boardwalk Hall on November 22nd. $50-$350. On sale Monday, 10 a.m.

Also aging and most probably sticky, but most definitely not sweet, is punk grandfather Iggy Pop, who, along with his Stooges, joins The Killers, Philly’s weird and wonderful Man Man, and a host of other acts at the Susquehanna Bank Center on August 2nd for the all-day Download Festival. $35-$95. On sale Saturday, 10 a.m.

Okay, so the Weekender might not be 50 percent bigger, but the weekend certainly is. We haven’t had a three-dayer since February, so here are some ways to blow off all of that pent-up steam …

• We all know Memorial Day Weekend is the official opening of the Shore (in addition to the holiday’s more formal meaning, of course), but it is also when our local amusement parks go into full swing. This weekend, Hershey debuts the Fahrenheit roller coaster, with a painful-sounding, 97-degree negative drop, which basically means that it’s seven degrees worse than a straight-down-to-the-ground free fall. You can watch the simulation video here, which is sickening enough for me. Meanwhile, off Exit 7A, Great Adventure has unleashed their indoor coaster, The Dark Knight, based on the upcoming Batman installment and Heath Ledger swan song. And somewhere between here and the Shore, underdog Clementon Park opens their gates for what they promise to be a “New Clementon Park” with new owners, new attractions, and a whole new attitude. Thank God for that.

• It’s a weird weekend for live music, with lots of Where the Hell Have They Been and Do We Really Still Care acts — as well as some more respectable ones — heading to the region. You can decide which fit into which category for yourself. Spank-happy Paul Anka (read our Q&A to find out what I mean) croons at the Borgata, where you will also find the somber Eric Clapton; Patti LaBelle makes us proud at the House of Blues; the two Kennys (Loggins and Rogers) hit the beach, with Rogers at Trump and Loggins at Bally’s; and The Flaming Lips, Josh Ritter, RJD2, and the Disco Biscuits fill the bill at Penn’s Landing’s annual Jam On the River.

• The kids (and the kid in you) will be thoroughly entertained at Monday’s Phillies-Rockies game, which will be preceded by lots of cool Air Force stuff in honor of Air Force Week, including a display of the Air Force Jet Car and one of those awe-inspiring fly-overs before first pitch. And over on Girard, it’s the Philadelphia Zoo’s Children’s Zoo Kickoff Weekend, where your youngin’, if he or she is so inclined, can brush a goat or, if you are so inclined, learn how to keep a rat as a pet. Ew! Plus, the Zoo debuts their brand new Zoo Shuttle, which, for a meager two bucks, will take you from Independence Hall and 30th Street Station. Sure beats the Zoo traffic and paying for parking.

Enjoy!

A pretty good way to blow the next ten minutes would be to watch Jimmy Shubert’s (King of Queens, Comedy Central) Conjoined Twin Country Singer routine. He returns to his hometown for a four-night run at Helium. $10 to $15; 8 p.m.

Downstairs at World Cafe Live, there’s Colin Hay, whom you’d probably best remember as the man who brought you “Who Can It Be Now” and “Down Under” (remember what you looked like when this video came out?) as lead singer for 1980s ensemble Men at Work. $30; 7:30 p.m.

JAZZ/BLUES
At some point in your life, you’ve either slow-danced or karaoke’d to “At Last,” the timeless blues classic by Etta James. When she recorded that song in 1961, James was well on her way to becoming a 420-pound, multiple-Grammy winning insurance risk. But a few years back, she went under the knife and more than halved her size. Fortunately, her voice doesn’t seem to have suffered a bit. Her Sunday show at the Keswick is sold out, but tickets remain for Saturday at the House of Blues in A.C. Along the same line, Karrin Allyson, whom the New York Times called “a complete artist — one of the jazz world’s finest” and who is used to playing venues like Lincoln Center and Montreaux Jazz, takes a minor detour to Chris’ Jazz Cafe (where I hear they just got a new baby grand) on Sansom Friday and Saturday nights in support of her new CD Imagina: Songs of Brasil.

ROCK LEGENDS
I’m guessing there aren’t too many people in the world who wrote songs about transvestites and sang with Pavarotti. Lou Reed (pictured) is one of them. The “Take a Walk on the Wild Side” and “Perfect Day” (my favorite) composer brings his iconic self to the Electric Factory on Saturday. Meanwhile, onetime Bandstand regular Charlie Gracie, who is credited with being one of the country’s original rockers and who is from right here in Philadelphia, turns up at the Tin Angel on Saturday.

CONVENTION
The words “convention” and “fun” don’t normally go together, but in the case of the Philadelphia Tattoo Arts Convention, you could do worse. Get inked by some of the country’s best artists, or just take in appearances by the dastardly Suicide Girl pinup models (pictured). At the Sheraton through Sunday.

THEATER
In previews, there’s Dito van Reigersberg in Azuka Theatre Company’s production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Latvian Society, and a puppetted version of Animal Farm at Mum Puppettheatre (they’ve been working on it for a year and a half, so it better be good!). The Arden opens Go, Dog, Go! for the kiddies on Saturday. And it’s your last chance to catch Philadelphia Theatre Company’s Third at the newish Suzanne Roberts Theatre.

Let’s face it: The cover band is basically the SPAM of the music industry — a cheap substitute. So who has the balls to play second fiddle to one of the biggest rock outfits in history? An all-girl band, of course. Taking a break from her raging tour life (with a stop tonight at World Cafe Live), Lez Zeppelin founder and guitarist Steph Paynes let us in on how four chicks with instruments bring a new edge to Led Zeppelin’s timeless tunes. — Cheryl McEvoy

How did you get the band together?
I had been in enough crap bands to know not to go through auditions. So I just asked around. I talked about it endlessly. To find a drummer who plays like Jon Bonham — that just doesn’t happen much. And how do you find someone who sounds like Plant?

Did you always intend to make it all girls?
Once I decided to go through with this foolish idea, I knew I wanted it to be an all-girl band. Going out and playing this music as all girls is so powerful and has such an effect. It’s the whole gender and cultural dynamic that makes college professors want to write about us. Especially because Led Zeppelin was perceived as being aggressively male, despite the fact that they [had long hair] and wore women’s clothing. It’s kind of fitting that we have that femininity.

Do people give you a hard time for being women?
They’re completely skeptical — they don’t expect the power that comes across. They come thinking we’ll hit some right notes, but they don’t expect to be completely bludgeoned by the power. It’s definitely sexism working in our favor — the surprise contributes to the “wow” factor.

You pay tribute to arguably the greatest rock band of all time. That’s gotta come with some pressure, right?
Yeah, that was the foolish part. We take this seriously. We have fun, but in terms of the music, all of us are very, very serious about what we’re playing. What is it about Led? What is it about the sound? The improvisation, the intensity of it all … But I think this is a group of fairly prodigious musicians — we’ve all done our homework … We do have that Zeppelin energy.

Do you party as hard as the original? You know, the drinking, debauchery, trashed hotel suites?
[Laughs] Oh yeah, all of that — the sex, the drinking, the drugs, the motorcycles in the hotel, the fishing off the balcony, the sharks …