1. Shop locally: area lumber houses, mom-and-pop hardware stores, local cabinet and furniture makers, regional manufacturers, designers, architects, builders, and indie shelter shops.

2. Hire an air quality expert to assess your home’s breathing. Healthy Space, Glenside, 215-233-1852; healthyspaces.com

3. Gather up the freshest PA- and Jersey-raised fare from your favorite farmer’s market.

Visit buylocalpa.org and state.nj.us/jerseyfresh

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$25 a laugh … Three hundred and twenty-five bucks to see Billy Crystal at the Borgata? Sheesh. I always knew I was in the wrong line of work, but this is ridiculous. Should your pockets not run quite so deep but you still need a few laughs, master impersonator Frank Caliendo — also at the Borgata — comes in at a much more reasonable $39.50. Both gentlemen perform Friday and Saturday night, as does Jimmy Shubert (King of Queens, Comedy Central Presents …), whose Helium shows will set you back a mere $30 for a reserved seat ($25 unreserved).

Both gay but in totally different ways … And now from the department of Back from the Dead, I give you the Moody Blues, who are unique in that they achieved success while completely eluding coolness, on any level. The Tower seems like the perfect place for a little “Nights in White Satin.” I do hope they recite the poem at the end — you know: “Breathe deep the gathering gloom …” But it’s my birthday, and the Moody Blues are far too serious for birthday galavanting. Perhaps the B-52s at the Electric Factory will do the trick. The Blues and the Bs both play tonight, so if you are part of the nonexistent demographic that would have a hard time choosing which of the two shows to attend, I guess you have something thinking to do.

A little local talent … Saxman Bootsie Barnes blows at Chris’ Jazz Cafe tonight. Folksy Linda Cohen, who was something at one time, sees if she still is with a Sunday gig at Tin Angel. And for those who like their music loud and jumpy, punk/funk Black Landlord takes the Khyber on Saturday.

My boss made me do it … All the old guys in my office talk about former Inquirer columnist Steve Lopez, who apparently was at one time the great savior of Philadelphia journalism. Steve Lopez this, Steve Lopez that. And it’s always “Steve Lopez,” full name. Never “Steve” or “Lopez,” which in this business is a level of respect afforded to few. It kind of feels like when my dad gets all teary-eyed over Tom Landry. Anyway, Steve Lopez recently wrote a book called The Soloist, about a homeless musical genius in Los Angeles, which Steve Lopez now calls home. And it sounds like Steve Lopez is doing all right for himself, since they’re now making a movie of the book starring Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. Not too shabby. On Saturday, my boss — Larry Platt — will drool over interview Steve Lopez about all of this at the Free Library.

From drag queens to Orwell … Lots of new plays to consider. The short list: Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Latvian Society (reviewed by our new critic, MB Case); Animal Farm at Mum Puppettheatre (the Inquirer called it “just right”); and Bug by Tracy Letts, who just won the 2008 Pulitzer for drama, at Christ Church.

And for the little terrors … Seems like a perfect weekend to visit Longwood Gardens, where spring is out of hand. On Saturday, they debut three brand-new tree houses — Lookout Loft, Canopy Cathedral, and the Birdhouse — with lots of educational activities for your budding arborist, though I might steer them more in the direction of “tree surgeon,” given the price that this guy quoted me recently to save my dying tree. (I cut it down with a chainsaw.)

And the password is … “Pooh” (Aww!): A sophisticated local cocaine operation — complete with top-secret codes and “stash houses,” overseen by a dude known as “Pooh” — has been foiled by police. Officials seized 48 pounds of cocaine worth $2.1 million from a Delaware County home. If people at work today seem extra sleepy, you’ll know why. [Inquirer]

Just try getting a table now: Congratulations are due to Bella Vista’s Jim Burke, of the restaurant James, for being named America’s Best New Chef by Food & Wine Magazine. [CBS 3]

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My name is Joy, and I am former Starbucks barista. For one hot summer in the mid-’90s, I pulled espressos and blended Frappuccinos. Those sweet icy drinks were still new then and the rumor around the company was that the Frap had been invented by a store manager who was trying to keep his customers happy and cool. I imagine it was originally just strong coffee, half-and-half, sugar and ice, but when Starbucks’s R&D got its hands on the idea, the Frappuccino became a money-making monster based on high fructose corn syrup and other food science staples.

To me, it always tasted artificial and sticky. Thankfully, in Philadelphia, the Frappuccino is not your only option for sweet caffeinated coolness. Fantes, the kitchen emporium in the Italian Market, makes a coffee granita with just espresso, sugar and cream. It’s a sweet escape from a hot afternoon and fake ingredients.

Image, starbucks.com

For Howard Stern fans of a certain age, yesterday’s announcement that Wack Pack member Kenneth Keith Kallenbach had died of pneumonia at 39 was both a shock and a chance to reminisce about their own, possibly misspent, youths listening to Stern before there was such a thing as satellite radio. Philly Grill caught up by e-mail with phone prankster extraordinaire and fellow original Wack Packer Captain Janks, known off the air as Tom Cipriano, to talk about his longtime friend.

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TASTE DAILY: A frozen treat that’s got Starbucks beat

GOOD LIFE DAILY: Easy ways to go green for spring

HEALTH: Score tons of new friends and a better bod with this grade-school favorite

Delayed service with a smile: SEPTA has announced a unique, breakthrough idea unheard of in the annals of the history of American mass transit — nay, in the history of human enterprise itself. They’re calling it “customer service.” Apparently, this fellow, Kim Scott Heinle, will talk to passengers and find out what’s annoying them, and then he’ll try to fix it. Isn’t that incredible? What? Oh. [Daily News]

Eat dough, save dough: Tomorrow is National Pretzel Day — legislated into mustard-slathered existence 25 years ago by a Chester County congressman — and Philly Pretzel Factory locations are getting into the spirit by handing out freebies. Hot dogs not included. [Metro]

You call that cheap?: New Jersey, the fabled land where gasoline bubbles from the ground like a mountain spring and flows over your wallet with the merest touch, has left the realm of fairy tale and joined the rest of America’s national nightmare with a one-day, 22-cent-per-gallon jump in prices on the Turnpike. [KYW]

First Fridays? So last year. Our favorite day is quickly becoming the last Friday of the month, when the fab shop owners on the quirky stretch between Bainbridge and Catharine celebrate 4th on 4th, during which they stay open late, serve munchies and drinks, and prove that there’s more to Fabric Row than bolts of cloth. (Hint: Participating shops hang a red balloon outside their storefront.) Here are just a few reasons to change your plans for tomorrow night:

GO: Behind Closed Doors
WHEN: 6-8:30p.m.
WHY: Owner Catherine Cifonelli will show you all her just-arrived things for spring, including Scalamandre’s new spring fabrics, oodles of luxe trimmings and tassels, and the dazzling paint colors of Pratt & Lambert and Ralph Lauren’s new lines — all while you sip cocktails.

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Dan Gross reports that Boothwyn’s Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, a comedian and musician best known as one of Howard Stern’s longest-serving Wack Pack members, has died in a Chester County hospital. Details are still sketchy, but Kallenbach had apparently contracted pneumonia in jail while being held on attempted child-abduction charges.

Kallenbach (pictured with fellow Wack Packer Tom “Captain Janks” Cipriano) played a supporting role in a piece on Stern by then-Philadelphia staff writer Larry Platt in February 1994. Here’s a taste:

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Bring it on: Sixty wanna-be Eagles cheerleaders flashed their spirit fingers at the final auditions for the 2008 season held last night at Penn. The girls found out this morning who landed one of the 38 available spots on the squad. Goooooo team! [Inquirer]

He’s no kindergarten cop: A Pennsauken police officer was sentenced to 14 years in federal prison for distributing child porn. He sent offending e-mails from a police department computer — duh, because he didn’t want his own children to find the images and videos on his home computer — and was caught by an undercover operation in Memphis. [Daily News]

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