Pulse: Power: Under the Gaydar

With the sexuality of our most beloved cartoon characters recently in question — Focus on the Family’s James Dobson charged that SpongeBob SquarePants had appeared in a “pro-homosexual video” — we started wondering about the orientation of some of Philly’s fictional celebrities. The Inquirer’s longtime (and gay) TV columnist, Gail Shister, agreed to lend her opinions.

The St. Joe’s Hawk
Known for his wing-­flapping stamina on the court, the Hawk “is probably a heterosexual serial monogamist,” says Shister. His wings “never stop flapping, but he is very loyal.”

The Temple Owl
“Who gives a hoot?” Shister says initially. After some prodding, she suggests the Owl is most likely “hot for anything that goes bump in the night.”

Manny, Moe and Jack
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Shister asks of the car-parts mascots. “It’s a threesome.” She adds, “I think they’re into auto-erotic.”

The Philly Phanatic
“Judging by the size of that snout, I’m guessing he likes girl Phanatics,” says Shister.