The latest in gross-out apparel marketing techniques? Naming your product—a pair of pajamas, possibly the most innocuous garment that exists—after a vagina. Welcome, folks, to the Vajamas, a pair of straight-legged, relaxed-fit pants that—according to Betabrand, the San Francisco-based online clothing company that makes them—are “quite possibly the softest pants on the planet.” That would be thanks to the material, a fuzzy synthetic fleece that Betabrand calls (wait for it) Vagisoft.
I’ll say this, the pants do look comfortable, though I’d spring for them in black instead of the Cookie Monster-esque blue. Still, you’re better off waiting until Betabrand perfects the model entirely: Right now, on the website’s “soft-o-meter,” the pants score just a tad below the ultimate softness level, which would be “The Womb Of A Marshmellow [sic] Mermaid.” Still, they rate a full four levels above “baby’s bottom,” which is pretty impressive, as infant tushes are basically tiny clouds of silk. I wonder why they were named after women’s nether regions instead of men’s, especially as I can’t see my husband wanting to plod around the house in a pair of pants named after vaginas. Which is sad, because, like I said, he just might be missing out on the softest loungewear ever. Guess ‘Penamas’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.