From Julio to Jay-Z … The talent playing Atlantic City this weekend is truly an absurd mix that spans half a century, crossing many demographics. First you’ve got Julio Iglesias Friday and Saturday at Caesars. I’ve gotta be honest, I have no idea what Julio sings or what the draw is, but he’s said to have played more than 5,000 shows throughout his career, so there must be somebody out there who is his Biggest Fan. Then you’ve got Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige at Boardwalk Hall on Saturday. Unlike the dynamic duo’s recent Philly performance, lots of tickets remain. In a bizarre blast from the past, ex-clothes-shedding Debbie Gibson — oh, sorry, Deborah Gibson (remember her Playboy spread?) — begins a three-week run at Harrah’s on Sunday. And the incomparable-on-so-many-levels Dolly Parton plays her rescheduled (due to, er, back pain) Borgata gig Saturday night. Simultaneously in the Borgata, there’s Tracy Morgan. Even if he just puts 30 Rock re-runs on the projector, its bound to be funny.

And they’re off … Saturday is the 134th Kentucky Derby. Start the day off right at McGillin’s Olde Ale House with $3 mint juleps. If the kids are tagging along, precluding the consumption of copious amounts of bourbon, head to Franklin Square, where Philly’s own equestrian heroes Smarty Jones and Afleet Alex have been immortalized as carousel horses (for $60,000!!!). From 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., every kid that rides will receive a first-place ribbon. Finally, everyone actually wins.

At last, a reason to hang out under I-95 … I love Zoe Strauss. Her photography is real Philadelphia: mean, gritty and honest. So there’s no better place for a Zoe Strauss exhibit than in South Philly, under I-95. Front and Mifflin from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday. Her work is so real, it’s realer than real. It’s unreal. Just, um, check it out.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you … A lot of people are confused. This Sunday is not Mother’s Day. Next Sunday is Mother’s Day. Which gives you a whole extra week to completely forget. This year, skip the Godiva and opt for John & Kira’s locally made chocolates. You have to order by May 6th for delivery, and you don’t want to send them belated, right?

The South Street Headhouse District’s 8 Days of Eats celebration (think Restaurant Week, but all South Street-area restaurants) kicks off tonight with samples from places like Django, Xochitl, and Zot from 7-9 p.m. at Headhouse Square (2nd Street, between Pine and Lombard). At 8 p.m., the French will flood Verizon Hall for a performance by Orchestre National de France ($33-$115). And on the Main Line, the Bryn Mawr Film Institute hosts a special screening of King Corn, a documentary about Public Enemy Number One: corn. Yes, the vegetable.

Tonight, Di Bruno Bros. in Rittenhouse Square hosts the 4th Annual Bald Ball, where they’ve come up with some brilliant plan to raise loads of loot for cancer research by shaving people’s heads. Expert cutter Joe McMenamin from Groom Salon will be on hand to shave you nice and pretty, like my editor here.

And if you’re not into losing your hair, you can still hobnob with all the Rittenhouse dandies amidst lots of wine and cheese. 6:30 p.m. $45.

Though Philly might lay claim to some of the cheapest and most spectacular divey drink deals in the country, like Bob and Barbara’s $3 Pabst with a shot of Jim Beam special, tonight at Monk’s Philly Beer Week dinner, it’s all about brews like Cantillion St. Lamvinous and the rare Samuel Adams Utopias. $95 gets you a swig and, presumably, some food, though it’s all about the beer here. 7 p.m.

Ah, 1985: the year that brought us Ronald Reagan’s second term in the Oval Office, the first FDA-approved blood test for AIDS, USA for Africa’s “We Are The World” — and The Breakfast Club. The Troc screens it tonight at Movie Monday. It rolls at 8 p.m., but you need to get there early (doors open at 6:30) to score a decent seat. Your $3 admission gets you a $3 voucher for food or drink. I’m sure there’s a good reason why they don’t just make the thing free, but it eludes me. Meanwhile, the Wilma offers Dr. Strangelove.

And in case you missed the throngs of buzzed masses this weekend, it’s officially Philly Beer Week. Tonight’s featured events: Alison at Blue Bell’s dinner featuring Yards Brewery; Flying Dog Brewing Co.’s tribute to Hunter S. Thompson at Pub On Passyunk East (a.k.a. The POPE), complete with readings, movies, and lots of drinking; and London Grill’s meatball-and-beer party with Brooklyn Brewery.

Remember that ass-beating that our own Steve Volk gave Channel 12 some months back, in part for the station’s egregious lack of locally produced programming? Tonight, WHYY-TV steps up with The Philly Food Show, hosted by Ed Cunningham (the tall, older gent who pleads with you to turn over your hard-earned loot during the fund drives) and Channel 29 meteorologist Sue Serio, clearly a fan of Philly food.

So it turns out that the hardest ticket to get for tonight is not the second Chris Rock show at the Academy of Music, for which a good number of tickets have magically appeared (including pairs in the super-fancy proscenium box that you always wanted to sit in), but is, instead, for John DeBella’s Comfort Food Fest, where chefs from Tangerine, Lacroix, Positano Coast, and Brasserie Perrier will lay down their foie gras and fumet in favor of their fresh takes on Rice-A-Roni and Manwich. It’s a free event and it’s almost at capacity, so if you want in, try contacting the station or getting on the waiting list by calling 215-627-1060. Cescaphe Ballroom, 923 North 2nd Street, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

PHOTO: The Philadelphia Weekly

For those who actually care that today is Presidents’ Day …

Family fun at Valley Forge, complete with marching soldiers and birthday cake for George (Martha’s recipe, of course); presidential artifacts (including locks of their hair, we’re told) at the Academy of Natural Sciences; Lincoln-era grub and stovepipe hat-making at Doylestown’s Mercer Museum; and Longwood Gardens stretches it in a big way, offering a Washington impersonator who will, um, discuss gardening.

For everyone else …

The White Dog hosts two of the Lost Boys of the Sudan for dinner and conversation; handsome Polish-Hungarian pianist Piotr Anderszewski (pictured), whose name is almost as hard to comprehend as his talent, joins the Chamber Music Society at the Kimmel for Bach and Schumann; G-Town Radio presents and discusses Shame of a City, Tigre Hill’s documentary about the 2003 Philadelphia mayoral debacle; Pennsylvania congressman Patrick Murphy talks about his new book at the Constitution Center, though I’d be more interested in hearing him try to explain how the superdelegates (of which he is one) are not going to totally screw up this primary; and Pulitzer-winning illustrator Art Spiegelman (The New Yorker, Maus) heads to Penn.

And if all that is just way too intellectually stimulating for you on a what I hope is a vacation day, there’s always the appropriately named Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck party upstairs at the Khyber .

SNEAK PEEK
Yes, it’s true that the Frida Kahlo exhibit opens next week at the Art Museum and that there are more than a few $20 tickets still available, but that won’t get you the private tour by the curator, the “festive dress and dancing,” and the “Mexican fare” being offered to those willing to plunk down $750 (most of which is tax-deductible) for tonight’s Frida Fiesta Valentine’s Day Gala. (There are also $200 and $250 tickets available, which do not include the private tour.) So if you still haven’t made any Valentine’s reservations (you fool), you could do worse than this.

FOODIE FOREPLAY
Personally, I am offended by the notion of aphrodisiacs. The idea that the warm, inviting feeling that people get around me could come from a bivalve or arugula or fig is just plain insulting. Still, if you need something to do with your significant other and gala-ing or dinner at a place so undesirable that reservations are still available is not in the cards, the $40 aphrodisiac guided tasting at Di Bruno Bros. might provide some amount of satisfaction. There are only a few tickets left, and you can only buy them the old-fashioned way: 212-209-3370. (And yes, I do mean 212.)

Because you just don’t want to go home after work tonight …

• If you’re up for a flick, the Philadelphia Jewish Film Festival presents Stealing Klimt, a documentary about a woman’s search for paintings stolen from her family by the Nazis. And if that is way too serious for you, I’d say you need the Big Lebowski and a few White Russians at the Troc.

• Eat out, just because it’s Restaurant Week. Tonight, you can still get into some of my personal favorites, including Nineteen, Brasserie Perrier, Alma De Cuba, and Zot. Hurry!

• Take a fun class. There’s comedy improv at the Walking Fish Theatre or bellydancing in Fairmount.