Philadelphia Phillies Owners: The Phantom Five

The Phillies may finally be serious ­contenders, but the franchise is still the losingest in sports history. For that we can blame a group of people we never see and never hear: the team’s (very) silent owners

TAKE OUR BASEBALL TEAM. PLEASE.

A few potential owners we’d love to see step up to the plate.

Pat Croce
Why: Croce won’t comment, but it’s said that he’s tried to buy the team in the past — only to be frustrated at how long it took even to get his phone calls returned.
Impact: Hyper-kinetic Pat brought passion, fun and an appearance in the NBA Finals to the Sixers. We’d expect nothing less with the Phillies. Oh, there’d also be pirates. Lots and lots of freakin’ pirates.

Comcast-Spectacor
Why: The company already owns the Sixers, the Flyers, and the sports network that carries the Phillies games. Why not add baseball to the stable?
Impact: With Comcast’s deep pockets, the Phils become the next Red Sox. And with Ed Snider running the show, the guy in charge will care as much as we do.

Larry Magid
Why: Legendary concert promoter and Live Nation big cheese is among the biggest fans in town.
Impact: Upside: Way cooler National Anthem singers. Downside: Possible “transaction charges” on everything from parking to buying a beer. (But if the latter means more money for the starting rotation, we’re cool with that.)

David Field and Shanin Specter
Why: Arlen’s son, the successful plaintiffs’ attorney, and Field (left), CEO of the country’s fourth largest radio company (Entercom), are both über-fans. And loaded.
Impact: Both are tough, results-oriented guys — something the organization desperately needs. And the influence of Arlen and his obscure legal mind could be interesting. (“Citing Scottish common law, the Phillies last night insisted they be given four outs in every inning.”)

Ed Rendell
Why: Sports-obsessed Eddie doesn’t have the net worth to pull this off on his own, but he’s no slouch at raising money. (Witness the way he got some Hillary backers to offer to pay for a redo of the Michigan primary.)
Impact: In a nod to Rendell’s 700 Level past, the team schedules “Pelt an Umpire With a Snowball Night.”

Jim Cramer and Lenny Dykstra
Why: Financial whiz Cramer discovered that Nails, the former Phil, is the world’s most unlikely stock savant. They have the dough—and mojo—to pull this off.
Impact: Maybe none on the field. But Cramer’s uncontrolled screaming and Dykstra’s incoherent rambling have reality show written all over them: “Dude, Where’s My Baseball Team? Arghhh … !”

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