Pulse: Chatter: City Pride: Fight of the Century

Fight of the Century In which our icon kicks Milwaukee’s icon’s ass. Obviously

A few months back, Milwaukee pulled a Philly and erected a statue in honor of the famous fictitious hero who best embodies the spirit of that city: Arthur Fonzarelli. But while Wisconsin may lay claim to the King of Cool, we’re happy to pit our Italian Stallion against the Bronze Fonz in a fight to the finish for cultural superiority. (Ding!)  — Victor Fiorillo
 
Round 1  
Height
The Fonz: 5’6”.  Rocky: 12’10”.
Winner: The Fonz. Bigger is almost always better when it comes to statues, but Milwaukee gets points for a life-size Fonzie who’s photo-op friendly. In shots with the Rock, your head is in his crotch.
 
Round 2
 
Weight
The Fonz: 250 lbs. Rocky: 1,300 lbs.
Winner: Rocky. About as unfair as Ivan Drago vs. Apollo Creed in Rocky IV. (RIP, Apollo.)  
 
Round 3  
Age
The Fonz: Whippersnapper.
Rocky: A quarter-century of wear and tear.
Winner: Rocky. In art, as in celluloid, you don’t get old … you get classic.
 
Round 4  
Location

The Fonz: Outside a chain brewpub in downtown Milwaukee. Rocky: The Art Museum steps. Then the Spectrum. Then the Art Museum steps. Then an Art Museum closet. And now, Eakins Oval, just off the Art Museum steps.
Winner: Rocky. Even though the hubbub over his location shows how silly Philadelphians can get, we still only lose this one if we put him outside an Applebee’s.
 
Round 5  
Character

The Fonz: A popular greaser in 1950s Wisconsin eventually finds success as a co-owner at the hoppin’ Arnold’s Diner while juggling countless girlfriends, all hot.  Rocky: An ugly, grimy boxer in an ugly, grimy city with an ugly, pet-store-smelling girlfriend claims the World Heavyweight belt.
Winner: Close call here. The Fonz’s achievements are more desirable — but everyone loves an underdog. Rocky wins.
 
Round 6  
Quotes you’ll hear from the tourists

The Fonz: “Aaayyy.”
Rocky: “Aaayyy-driiiaaan.”
Winner: Fonzie. His catchphrase has many more practical applications.  
 
Round 7  
Aesthetics

The Fonz: Two thumbs raised in greeting, in painted bronze. Comic. Rocky: Two arms raised in victory, in bare bronze. Iconic.
Winner: Rocky.

Overall champ
Rocky
(And sorry, Fonz — there ain’t gonna be no rematch.)