Chase Utley’s Knees Laughingly Agree to Two-Year Extension With Phillies

It seems like just last month that so-called baseball “experts” were saying that Chase Utley should be traded to an American League team—not because he’s not loved for delivering a World Effing Championship to Philadelphia back in 2008, but because his knees just can’t handle the rigors of playing second base every day. Let him go be a designated hitter and finish his career in a blaze of well-rested hits, right?


Utley and the Phillies agreed to a contract that could keep the five-time All-Star second baseman in Philadelphia through at least the 2015 season, two people familiar with the deal told The Associated Press on Wednesday night. They spoke on condition of anonymity because the contract hasn’t been finalized.

The deal reportedly is worth around $27 million over two seasons with multiple vesting options. Utley has battled knee injuries in the past, but that hasn’t been a problem this year.

Asked for comment, Utley’s knees responded: “BwahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” And then his knees rolled their eyes. (Editor’s note: You had to be there. It was weird.)

General Manager Ruben Amaro Jr., meanwhile turned to his next task in rebuilding the Phillies, who seem sure to miss the playoffs a second year in a row: Signing John Kruk and Mitch Williams to lucrative new extensions.