Who Is Supposed to Pay for Prom These Days?

A scene from the prom horror movie Carrie. The least of her problems was who pays for prom. (Getty Images)

Just Ask Victor is a new column from Philly Mag senior reporter Victor Fiorillo. He will attempt to answer all of your questions, no matter how large or small. Have a burning question? Got a problem you can’t solve? Victor is ready to help. Just fill out this form.

For the first edition of Just Ask Victor, I wasn’t sure what to write about. After all, I’m supposed to be answering your questions. And these questions can really be anything at all, whether you want to know why SEPTA would possibly kill the Paoli-Thorndale (née R5) Line, where to get the best bowl of pho around, how to get the city’s homestead exemption, what’s so great about the Wanamaker Organ and why should we care what happens to it, what to do about a contractor who scammed you, how to get a hard-to-get table at the hottest restaurants… and, yes, I’ll even dole out life advice on occasion. I think you get the point. I’m casting a wide net. But how do I get people to send in questions before launching the thing? Then my phone rang.

On the other end was a Main Line dad with whom I’m acquainted. (I agreed to leave his name, specific Main Line town, and other identifying details out of this column.) And what he wanted to know was this: Who pays for prom? Is he supposed to pay for prom? “Is that what’s traditional?” he asked me. Given that I’ve successfully navigated four proms (between two kids) in my household, I thought I would try to help him out.

I want to address the last question first. The issue of what is or is not traditional seems to matter not. I was about to launch into a bunch of examples of things that were traditional that we no longer observe. But I don’t think you need me to do that. The world has changed.

Just go to a nice restaurant and look at all the kids with iPads and headphones in for the duration of the meal as Johnny eats buttered noodles with his fingers (how do those parents stop the iPads from getting all gross with grease and such?), and you’ll quickly understand that tradition is out the window. Some traditions are surely worth keeping up, like turkey at Thanksgiving (actually, you know you can’t stand turkey, but what would happen to all the turkey farmers?) but whether or not your parents paid for your prom, which came at a time before kids’ prom misbehavior wound up all over the internet, shouldn’t have any impact on what’s happening in Prom Season 2025. Lord knows the prom dresses sure have changed.

As for this question of who is supposed to pay for prom, the Main Line dad told me that this all came up because he asked his son if he had bought a prom ticket yet. The son seemed puzzled. He assumed that his dad was going to pay for the ticket. And herein lies a big part of this problem. The son assumed that daddy was going to foot the bill, probably because daddy is covering the cost of his tux rental and probably because daddy has paid for every little thing that the kid ever pleaded to have. He takes his dad and his dad’s checkbook for granted. And the dad is well aware that he is at fault for cultivating these expectations. But he says he’s done. “I need to figure out a way to cut him off.”

The dad says the son has a tremendously bad attitude about everything, which is maybe just a teenager being a teenager, or perhaps this is a different Circle of Hell. The son doesn’t lift a finger to help out around the house. He leans into rudeness whenever possible. “He’s an asshole,” is how the dad sums up his offspring. (You’re probably thinking this is harsh, but I bet you know some real asshole-y teens in your realm.)

And get this: the son had the gall to argue with the dad over prom financing by reminding his dad that he doesn’t pay the son an allowance. So, the son’s logic is … I don’t do shit around the house. But you should pay me an allowance anyway. And because you don’t pay me an allowance, I shouldn’t have to pay for my prom ticket. Blood pressure rising!

As the dad and I were talking, my head was kind of exploding over this brazen display of entitlement, this absolute absence of gratitude and appreciation. And then the dad dropped this bomb on me: his son, who, the dad confirms, certainly has enough money in the bank from gifts and previous jobs, to pay for prom tickets, a tuxedo, and then some, wasn’t expecting the dad to pay for just his prom ticket. The son was expecting his dad to pay for his date’s ticket too. What? Have we entered the Twilight Zone?!

“I’m probably going to have to buy her flowers as well,” the dad lamented. “God knows he’s not going to do it.”

So what to do about this prom mess, oh Main Line dad? You probably need to pony up for the tux rental. After all, you already agreed to do so. Though I would think that any serious misbehavior or disrespect on the part of your son between now and prom in a couple of weeks could void that agreement, should you choose to go there. Personally, I would just pay for the tux either way lest he hold you reneging over your head for all eternity, refusing to visit you in the nursing home because of some perceived slight in 2025.

As for the prom tickets and flowers, absolutely do not put a cent towards these things. Close your checkbook. Put away your credit cards. Deactivate your Venmo. Your son is about to embark on his adult life and begin college away from home. You need to put a stop to this nonsense. Otherwise, he’s going to be calling you every week and asking you for more money because he was irresponsible with the money you already gave him, money he did nothing to earn. And when he tells you he needs the money for a textbook, you know he’s lying, right? It’s for booze and weed.

Dear Main Line dad, it’s time for your son to get a job and stop demanding (notice I didn’t say “depending on you for”) everything. It’s time for him to grow up. And for you to make him.