Philly Today: Finally, It’s All Quiet on the Water Front
Plus: Temple's president steps down; what didn't cause that Pottstown explosion; what Penn did to the Dean's List; and a dispute of Biblical proportions. Sort of.
Water, Water Everywhere
Are you as sick as we are of hearing about the goddamn Philadelphia water?
Philadelphians have begun gathering along the Delaware River to cheer on the latex glob as it continues its long migration toward the open ocean. Go, glob, go! pic.twitter.com/oJQtjQCH8N
— Punky Bruce Dern (@mission2denmark) March 28, 2023
Just got a visit from the Latex Blob canvassers. I told them I had already committed but they were very nice about it. https://t.co/oKrgWGgTXq pic.twitter.com/Ca5NLof9jr
— Jack (@JackInacker) March 28, 2023
Well, Mayor Kenney says you don’t have to worry anymore! “We can all confidently say the threat has passed,” he announced at a press briefing last evening. “I repeat, all the city’s drinking water is safe to drink.” So … what are you gonna do with the 16 skids of bottled you scarfed up at the Ack-a-me now?
Temple President Calls It a Day
Embattled Temple University president Jason Wingard has resigned after less than two years at the helm, and the board of trustees has accepted his resignation. For now, the school will be overseen by “senior administrators.” Wingard’s tempestuous tenure saw a strike by grad-student workers, the shooting death of a Temple police officer, a rise in crime, and a decline in enrollment, among other woes. He had been Temple’s first Black president.
Philly homeowners! It’s spring! See all the pretty flowering trees? Want one for yourself? For free? Here’s where to get one. (They plant it for you, too!)
Penn Obliterates the Dean’s List
The University of Pennsylvania announced that it will no longer name undergrads to the Dean’s List in an effort to alleviate “academic stress” on students. Is it snowing in here or is it just me? Wait, maybe it’s those flowering trees.
Natural Gas Ruled Out in Blast
Remember those houses that blew up in Pottstown last year, killing a grandmother and four kids? The Public Utility Commission has announced that the cause of the explosion wasn’t natural gas, despite repeated reports by nearby residents that they smelled natural gas. Still no word on what the cause was; the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives continues to investigate.
There Will Be No More Goat-Snuggling!
A Berks County farm has put the kibosh on its Capricorn-y get-to-know-them huggie events after complaints from vegan activists that they’re “exploitive” of the critters. OFFS.
Blast From the Past
The Athletic has a pitch-by-pitch breakdown of Bryce Harper’s famed National League Championship Series homer, but it’s paywalled. Maybe you’ll get lucky, though!
And speaking of sports: Philly sports fans! So mean! So unreasonable! So downright ornery! Think they know everything in the universe! Why they gotta be that way?
Ben Simmons this season with the Nets:
These are all career-lows
Simmons has been shut down for the remainder of the season
— Sean Barnard (@Sean_Barnard1) March 28, 2023
By the Numbers
32: Percent of active Pennsylvania judges who are women.
$500,000: Amount spent by Bucks County venture capitalist Paul Martino on the last round of state school-board elections, to fight what he says is “porn” in school libraries.
1: Utah parent suing to have the Bible yanked from school libraries, calling it “one of the most sex-ridden books around” and citing the “incest, onanism, bestiality, prostitution, genital mutilation, fellatio, dildos, rape, and even infanticide” found therein.
And from the Comeback Sports Desk …
The Phils fell behind early yesterday afternoon to the Blue Jays but stormed back with a four-run fourth to go ahead 5-4. The Jays matched that in the seventh, but the Phils triumphed in the end, 6-5, to wind up spring training with a 16-15 record. The first “real” game of the season is Thursday at 4:05 against the Texas Rangers. Go Phils!
And the Sixers come home again after their long, hard road trip out West to play the Mavericks at 7:30 tonight.
The Flyers also played.