The Best Thing That Happened This Week: She’s Baaaaaaaaack!

Impeachment? Russian hackers? Climate-change Armageddon? Who cares? Kendall Jenner's in town again!

For months now, our lives have been utterly and completely without meaning, because our beloved hometown has been — cue indrawn sob — Kendall Jenner-free. After her romance with Sixers point guard Ben Simmons clanked off the rim in the dying summer of 2019, the entire city spun into a death spiral of depression: How could we find meaning in our existence without the hope we might glimpse the media personality — once the world’s highest-paid model, according to Forbes — out and about in Our Town? This week, though, thank the merciful heavens, she was back among us, ringing in the New Year at Attico at a party thrown by her three-point-averse beau right after his team got blown the fuck out by the Indiana Pacers in an absolutely unwatchable New Year’s Eve game. But just like that, magically, we have something to live for again! And really, who cares about the playoffs when we can watch the Process of Kendall brushing her lovely teeth? Oh, Philly, how lucky we are!