The Best Thing That Happened This Week: A Bird-Brained Scheme
We plead with Berks County’s serial parrot pilferer: ENOUGH birds in hand, already!
Do you like birds? We don’t like birds. They’re scary. And noisy. They’re really leftover dinosaurs. The fact that some people actually choose to keep them in their homes and feed and care for them is beyond our ken. But you know what’s even weirder than that? Some people steal birds. In fact, over in Berks County — birthplace of Taylor Swift — there’s a serial bird-napper on the loose. And not just any ol’ birds: No, our napper’s after parrots, which are known to be far, far smarter than any of Donald Trump’s kids.
So far, the culprit or culprits have broken into the Oley Turnpike Dairy Petting Zoo (nothing says milky goodness like a turnpike dairy) and swiped three birds; busted down a door at Diane’s Pet Center in Reading and purloined another pretty Polly; and, in the most brazen heist yet, drove right through the garage door of Pena’s Auto Service, also in Reading, and made off with Louie and Charlie, the treasured parrot pets of owner Sigfredo Pena. (The whole thing was caught on surveillance tape; Louie puts up a pretty good fight.)
Hey, times are tough in Reading; we get that. But even for a lowlife thief, there’s got to be an easier way to turn a buck than scoping out random parrots and stuffing them in backpacks. Whoever you are, buddy, turn yourself in before it’s too late. From what we hear, those birdies will turn on you in a flash.