When we were growing up in Bucks County in the 1970s, it was a wonderland of deep dense forests and verdant farmland and misty hills, intersected by winding asphalt trails with quaint, mysterious names like “Burnt House Hill Road” and “Snake Hill Road” and “Cold Spring Creamery Road.” Now it’s a wonderland of developments pockmarked with abominations like “Normandy Court” and “Pagoda Cluster” and (gag us) “Appian Way.” Far be it from us to stand in the way of such progress. But there’s a cost to turning every available square inch of land into suburbia, and this year, nature’s taking her revenge: Our former childhood haunts are being overrun by vixens and kits.
That’s right: A fox pox has fallen on Bucks County. (So you’re asking: What does the fox say? As Wikipedia puts it, “The fox’s vocal repertoire is vast.” Listen to one torment a lazy-ass golden retriever mix here.) It turns out foxes love suburbia as much as we do. Wildlife experts are advising residents to keep their cats inside and remain outdoors with any stupid, yappy little dogs they might for some reason own. The foxes come in two stunning colors, red and gray, and just now the mamas are beginning to let the littlest foxes start exploring outside the den, so they’re particularly testy. Hey! You move to the wilderness, you gotta take the whole wilderness. But tell the kids: DO NOT try to make friends with Mrs. Fox.