OkStupid: Why I Am Officially Over OkCupid

“Do you have pee-pee? :-P”

This is the message on OkCupid that tipped me over the edge last week. The guy was from Taipei, Taiwan, and despite the fact that I didn’t respond to his first message, he proceeded to ask me if I would meet him at Uniqlo in Philly if he came to the States.

This really shouldn’t surprise me too much (the rhetoric, not the Uniqlo thing, which was downright kinda freaky). However, given the fact that OkCupid was (and still is, sadly enough) the “best of the dating apps,” it’s left me to realize that online matchmaking may be all but over for me.

This is a strange realization given the fact that I grew up on the Internet, and it was indeed the Internet that allowed me to be comforted at a super young age when I came out. I surrounded myself in the world of AOL chat rooms and met a good number of dudes who could have easily killed me after our “dates” at Barnes and Noble. Although more and more people, straight people, are meeting and falling in love online, the physical apps themselves have become so disgusting and annoying that I’m ready to be done with all of them.

OkCupid had some redeeming qualities: You got matches based on an endless series of questions that claim to provide some sort of compatibility. But, seriously, when you stop to think about it, an algorithm can’t quite do the trick when it comes to predicting how well two people are gonna make out during moments of intimacy. Also, any app that offers a premium Incognito Mode and a “Rush Hour Boost” which allows users to “boost their profile” because the app’s traffic is up reminds me a little too much of Amazon Prime Day.

We’re all ultimately searching for connection. That’s nothing new. The question comes down to whether or not that “connection” can be found in a vacant right-swipe, and if not, as a friend posed to me the other day, “Then where do we go to meet people?” Alas, that question is why OkCupid will stay around for a while.

And, if that guy from Taiwan ever reads this: Yes, I do indeed have a “pee-pee.”