SMIZE QUEEN: Cory Scales an L.A. Skyscraper, Is Criticized for Looking Like a Lesbian

Every Monday, Alexander Kacala recaps the latest episode of America's Next Top Model, starring Philly's own Cory Wade Hindorff.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's ... Tyyyrrraaaaaa!

This week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model involved a dare-devil runway walk and alternative-wedding shoot that challenged the 16 girls and guys vying for the top prize — a spread in Nylon magazine, contract with Next Models, and a $100K national campaign for Guess. Here’s what went down on Episode 2: 

Cory was one of the few contestants who managed to stay on his feet on a catwalk that was situated on the side of a tall building.

MINI CHALLENGE: The contestants had to walk/scale a tall building for a Guess runway challenge — in a torrential downpour, no less. With the girls in heels and the boys in flats, the ladies were clearly at a disadvantage. Many faltered, including Mike and Bianca, but some managed to eek out some semblance of fierceness. Philly’s Cory Hindorff impressed judges, but Renee came out No. 1 — winning keys to the “Tyra Suite” and access to the Guess Closet, where she and a friend were allowed to pick out a head-to-toe outfit for themselves. Is that really a prize? I think I’d rather sift through Rob Evan’s dirty laundry then a closet full of Guess.

It's a good thing you have that body, Jeremy, 'cause that face just ain't cutting it today.

MAIN CHALLENGE: Alternative wedding scenes were the theme for this week’s photo shoot, with each model posing in a variety of marriage situations. Obviously we had some gal-on-gal and guy-on-guy action, but there was also some nudity, polygamy, and punk and hillbilly realness. During critiques, judge Kelly Cutrone laid into almost every model, telling Mike he has the worst walk ever, Cory that looked like a lesbian, and Nina that she looked like an 80-year-old babushka. That bitch — one of my personal all-time favorites — sure makes for good TV.

TOPS: Marvin for his smize-tastic polygamist head of household, and Chris H. and Don for their gay-pride-pumping gay-marriage shot (above). No girl rose to the occasion, but Alexandra and Jiana were given props for commendable jobs.

BOTTOMS: Chris S. was reamed for  “tooching” too much in a shoot where he was asked to thug it up as a masculine hip-hop boy. Bianca didn’t stand out in her polygamy shoot, which, I have to admit was challenging considering she was draped in a bonnet and posing with four other ladies. Ice-cream-truck hottie Mike failed to emote during his shotgun-wedding scene with Alexandra. In the end, Bianca and Chris (pictured, above) were sent packing, giving Mike a chance to redeem himself in next week’s makeover episode.

Judge Kelly Cutrone and model Chlea have a bitch fest in the makeup room.

BEST HEATED MOMENT: Sparks flew in the makeup room prior to the runway challenge when Chlea told bitchy judge Kelly Cutrone that her delivery may be too harsh. Baffled, Cutrone retorted: “Did I ask you for your advice?” While Kelly Cutrone is queen bitch supreme and can lay it on thick, pissing off a judge before the first challenge is not a smart game move. Cutrone dug in her claws even further during critiques when she told Chlea she looked busted and has a foul mouth. Then she slapped her with the worst score of the evening, a measly 4.

BEST SOUND BYTE: “None of these people!” — Cory when asked who he would date in the house.

CORY WATCH: Our hometown boy steered clear of drama and focused on the game. He was fierce in the mini challenge, and, while he got some nasty critiques about his punk-rock-biker scene, you can’t deny the kid smized like hell. (With those eyes, can he help it?) Again, everyone brought up his femininity has a weakness, but his androgyny is what got him there in the first place. It sets him apart from the bevy of more-conventional boy beauties. In past seasons the androgynous girl has been praised for her uniqueness, so why are judges being so harsh on the show’s first androgynous boy? Who knows, but right now Cory’s hanging on safely in the middle. With room to grow and show the judges he can mature, he has time to expand his horizons and refine his masculine aesthetic. All we can do is keep our fingers crossed and keep rooting for him to go all the way.

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