The List: The 5 Worst Things To Wash Up on the Jersey Shore, Human Foot Edition
Summertime down The Shore, and the living is easy. Or so one fisherman probably thought until Tuesday afternoon, when he sighted a dirty sneaker 10 miles south of Atlantic City and, upon closer inspection, found it contained a REAL HUMAN FOOT, lacquered toes and all. Police have shipped the unsavory item to a local anthropologist, who will use advanced science technology to tell us what the hell happened.
And because we’ve already given you the heebie-jeebies, here’s our list of five things that have washed up on our coastline that are just, like, the absolute worst.
1. Mystery meat (Brigantine Beach, September 2008). The kind that used to belong to a giant sea creature, not the kind you see in the school cafeteria. Think unidentified, 5-foot-long chunks.
2. Metal debris (Seaside Park, June 2013). Remember the scene in Blue Crush where Kate Bosworth’s surfer-babe character gets hit in the head by a rock? Re-imagine that scene, but substitute the rock with a rusty chunk of metal from a boardwalk ride. Ouch.
3. Syringes (Island Beach State Park, July 2013). Encountering these bad boys at the doctor’s office is bad enough. Seeing them at the beach? No thanks. But let’s be grateful we haven’t seen anything like the Syringe Tide of the ’80s in recent years.
4. Dead dolphins (Avalon, Ocean City, July-August 2013). Flipper is a little less cute when he has viral pneumonia and is carrying harmful bacteria.
5. Superstorm Sandy (entire coastline, October 2012). The havoc it wreaked puts the rest of this list to shame. ‘Nuff said.