BREAKING: Royal Baby Has Not Yet Exited Kate Middleton’s Belly

Just before 6 a.m., Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton was transported to the Lindo Wing of St. Mary’s Hospital in London, where she is now in the early stages, no wait, the middle stages, actually we have no idea a stage of labor (labour?) prepared to give birth at any moment. We’ll bring you more news as it breaks, but for now, here’s the latest riveting update.

“It seems it was a very orderly arrival,” [Sky News royal correspondent Paul] Harrison reported. “There were two vehicles. A Ranger Rover-type vehicle, and behind it there was an Audi vehicle.”

By the way, here’s how the news will be officially delivered, once the baby itself is delivered.

– Once the baby is born, doctors will sign a foolscap-size document, with the palace letterhead, giving the baby’s gender and time of birth. It will be terse and formal – the language is dictated by protocol – and will read something like “The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a prince / princess.” It may also provide the infant’s weight. Foolscap is a traditional British paper size – rarely used nowadays – that is taller but slightly narrower than either A4 or U.S. letter size.

– A royal aide will give this bulletin to an official, whose task is to carry the news from the hospital to the palace. It’s going to be a suspenseful short journey, about 15 minutes, and the drive will almost certainly be broadcast live to millions of television viewers worldwide.

– Once at the palace, the official will post the bulletin on a wooden easel placed in the frontcourt for the public to see.

Oh, and, just to ensure that all that pomp and circumstance and foolscappery is utterly useless:

– At the same time, the monarchy’s official Twitter and Facebook accounts will announce the news online.

[Fox News]