22 Great Pickup Lines for the Philadelphia Airport

Get your thrills among the rocking chairs at PHL.

Philadelphia Airport was recently named one of the top five best places in the country for hooking up by MeetAtTheAirport.com. Why PHL? According to the survey, “There are 16 bars, seven lounges, 57 restaurants, and one magic shop. Sixty-five percent of respondents said Philadelphia had their favorite airport to meet people because of delayed flights, its large size, its proximity to the tri-state region, and its friendly locals.”

I travel through the Philadelphia airport for business anywhere from three to five times a month so you could say I’m somewhat of a PHL expert. I’m also a very happily married man and am all business when I get there: Park. Security. Coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. Gate. Board. No monkeying around. But if you are looking for an airport hookup, I guess PHL is as good a place as any. In fact, I can think of many secret (and not-so-secret) places where you can succeed. But only if you’ve got the right opening line. Here are my recommended best pickup lines to consider. I’ve never used these openings, and I haven’t asked a girl out on a date in 25 years. But these lines are killer.

1. At Chickie’s and Pete’s (Terminal D): “How ’bout them birds, eh? I mean the wings, of course.”

2. In front of Brooks Brothers (between Terminals B/C): “Me? Yeah, I’m a Brooks Brothers kind of guy. And I ALWAYS do my clothes shopping here at the airport.”

3. Sitting at Gate C27. Or A12. Or D3. Or the Food Court: “I know … they promise free Internet and it’s terrible. But hey, enough with that silly old technology. And who needs to actually go online anyway, right? It’s so overrated. Why don’t you and I use this as an opportunity to have a good old conversation, eh?”

4. In front of the Minute Suites (Terminal A East): “Actually, I really only need about three minutes, tops. So are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

5. Outside of the security checkpoint (Terminal C): “Really? You came here just so you can check out the “Garden Club of America at 100” exhibition between terminals C & D? And only ticketed passengers can view it? Here. Take my ticket. No, I insist!!!”

6. Somewhere between Terminals D and E: “Did you know there really was an Earl of Sandwich? Yes, really! That’s a clever name for a sandwich place, don’t you think? And I’m pretty clever too, knowing that there was an Earl of Sandwich, right? Do you like tuna? I like tuna.”

7. In line at the security checkpoint (Terminal E): “Hey, see that guy over there in the blue uniform doing pat-downs? They call him “12 fingers Frank.” If you don’t want to find out why they call him that you might want to try the security checkpoint at Terminal D. Just sayin’.”

8. Walking through the food court (between Terminals B/C): “How do you manage to have so many—is that five—children? And still look so good? No, really, you look really good. Here, let me just wipe away that ketchup stain. So, is your husband around?

9. Inside Garage C: “Well, actually, my Beamer’s in the shop so my friend loaned me his Ford Focus. Good thing too with all those crazy drivers and speed bumps here at the airport, am I right? Ha ha.”

10. In line at security (Terminal D): “No, that’s not a golf club hidden in my pants. Didn’t you see the news? We’re allowed to bring them through security now. But hey, thanks for asking. A drink? Sure.”

11. At the taxi stand outside of Baggage Claim D: “Him? I’m sure he’s fine. I’m sure the cab company does extensive background checks on their drivers’ records and past history. The taxi? Well, I’m sure it’s safe too. You know, maybe I can give you a lift instead?”

12. Sitting in one of those rocking chairs (between Terminals B/C): “No, no not at all. You look fine. Sitting in a rocking chair in the middle of a busy walkway between the terminals of an airport isn’t ridiculous at all. Hey, can I get you some cocoa and maybe a pair of slippers too?”

13. Staring at the movie posters while on the moving sidewalk between Terminals A-East and B: “I know! Amazing right? Imagine Rosie O’Donnell making a movie right here in Philadelphia! Rosie! Philadelphians are very proud of this. Very proud.”

14. In front of what used to be the Blackberry store (between Terminals B/C): “And here used to be a Blackberry store. Isn’t that funny? People used to actually buy Blackberrys. Come, let me show you where the “bookstore” used to be. Books are things people used to read before the iPad came out.”

15. At the SEPTA station (Terminal C): “Ever taken this train before? Compared to the scenery you’re about to see outside, I won’t be looking too bad.”

16. On the moving sidewalk between Terminals B and C: “Tell you what: I’ll push that old guy standing on the left who doesn’t understand all those signs that say “Stand Right, Walk Left” out of the way, and then help you over his body, OK? Ready?”

17. On the remote parking shuttle: “I know, it’s amazing what lengths people will go to and how much time they will waste waiting for the shuttle bus to save $10 on parking. Me? Uh …”

18. At the Information Desk in front of Terminal B: “Bonjour? Vous parlez francais? You’re from France? Would you care to join me for a cafe au lait at the Au Bon Pain over in Terminal C? Allow me, mademoiselle.”

19. Terminal A-West, Gate A23, approximately 9 p.m.: “Oh, c’mon, don’t you get sick of looking at all those white, pasty guys with bad teeth? And what the hell is “cricket” anyway? What you need is a real man. A red-blooded American man. So whaddya say?”

20 At that sushi restaurant (Terminal C): “Mmmm … is that sushi you’re eating here at the Philadelphia Airport? Awesome. Care for a piece of this gum that’s stuck to my shoe for dessert?”

21. On the remote shuttle to terminal F: “Hey, is this the “magic bus”? Ha ha. Just kidding. Yeah, I know. It’s a bus we have to take between terminals. Ha ha. Isn’t this fun? You know, taking a bus between terminals and all.”

22. A quiet little spot near Terminal E: “Hey, we’ve got some time between flights. How about if we snuggle up in front of one of those monitors and catch Mayor Nutter’s welcome message together, eh?”