Dear Penn Alexander Parents: You Have Until 5 p.m. to Secure a Good Education for Your Child

Welcome to the new normal, anxiety-ridden potential Penn Alexander parents. Today marks the official start of the new post-line-waiting world you live in; applications for kindergarten slots, which will now be determined via lottery, are due at 5 p.m. today. Suggestive photos, 20 dollar bills, and home-baked oatmeal raisin cookies may be slipped in accompanying envelopes to bribe the School District of Philadelphia. []