John Bolaris Gets Engaged on Howard Stern, Still Fearlessly Puts Sandy in a Twitter Headlock

Remember how we told you that Hurricane Sandy is making John Bolaris stronger than you can possibly imagine? Well, you might think that a weatherman—even a woefully underemployed weatherman—would have his hands full Tweeting up a storm about the storm that’s approaching. That would be true of mere mortals. Bolaris, though, shot through the roof of our already-sky-high expectations of “What Attention-Grabbing Thing Will This Guy Do Next?” and got engaged to his girlfriend, 35-year-old Erica Smitheman, on the Howard Stern Show this morning. But relax, people, this is totally a High Noon situation where he’s going to put Smitheman on a train to safety while he stays in town to stare down Hurricane Sandy and totally give it a Twitter noogie. And sure, that image is ridiculous, but ask yourself: Is there anything we could tell you about John Bolaris at this point that seems too ridiculous to be true? The truth is, we’re starting to think he orchestrated the hurricane himself as a publicity stunt for his engagement. It all makes sense now.  [Dan Gross]