Charles Barkley Doesn’t Want You to Get Fat During March Madness

Tomorrow and Friday are two of the most highly anticipated sports viewing days of the year. College basketball all day for two days. Lucky for all of us, former Sixer—and current Weight Watchers for Men spokesman—Sir Charles Barkley has some tips for how guys can take in the games without putting on weight, via an email from public relations agency Ketchum sent to Philly Post editors. Whew. Finally. Someone addressing our biggest concerns re: March Madness. Here, excerpts from this PR wealth of pro advice (along with our translation).

Don’t you worry – you don’t need to give up having a nice cold one on game day, just remember alcohol counts if you are watching your waistline. Heavy beers mean heavy bodies, so stick with light options.

Translation: Alcohol has calories. Who’d have thought? Drink light beer. It tastes like shit and won’t really get you drunk, but you’re day-drinking and watching college basketball, so you’ll stop noticing after the first case or so.

Choose your appetizers wisely: Those little sliders may look cute and light compared to a regular burger, but once you’ve had two or three of them, you may as well have gone for the real deal.

Translation: 1 big burger = 2.5 tiny burgers. If the math is tough, try using your smartphone!

Real men eat meat: If I want fried chicken I’m going to have fried chicken, just not every day. It’s all about moderation guys. Have it when you are cheering on your favorite team, just not every day at every meal.

Translation: Eat a dead animal, p#$%y. No one wants to eat tofurkey during March Madness (or ever). So, enjoy the things you like. But, again, moderation is the key.

The agony of defeat: There’s nothing like bowing out of the big dance. Even if your team got further than you thought, the day they lose is going to be a tough one. Don’t double up on the disappointment by doubling up on your food and drinks.

Translation: Learn from Fat Bastard. Don’t eat because you’re unhappy; you’ll be unhappy because you ate.