I Don’t Care About Your Facebook Relationship Status

Spare me your online displays of love By Katie Eder

My college boyfriend and I, who make the most un-mushy couple on Facebook, both have friends and young family members who litter our news feeds with the most eye roll-inducing, lovey-dovey statuses. We like to “call” when they will break up or get dumped. Ten out of 10 times, I see a change in relationship status pop up before the year’s end.

If you have a Facebook friend under the age of 25, you’ve probably witnessed this on your feed, too. The status of “OMG I love my boyfriend! He is the best thing everrrrr! [Insert Taylor Swift lyrics here]” or, my personal favorite, those obnoxious new banners that graffiti the top of profiles with “I ♥ MY GIRLFRIEND.” A picture of them kissing wouldn’t make you cringe as much.

My cousin, a senior in high school, was guilty of both the banner and the Taylor Swift-lyric statuses until his relationship with his just-as-guilty girlfriend dissolved. I had to stop myself from “liking” the post where he went from being “in a relationship” to “single” as my way of saying, “I told you so back when I first hid you from my news feed.”

I’m not trying to sound like a jealous singleton wishing the worst on over-sharers, but the people in relationships who set up shop on their significant others’ walls just don’t seem to last. The ones who spare everyone the mushiness, do. There has already been a study showing that Facebook brings out the green-eyed monster when you’re in a relationship, but does updating your status about your boyfriend or girlfriend all the time have the same disastrous effect? The evidence on my news feed points to yes.

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